Writer beautifully explains why the loss of a loved one is a continuous journey, not a one-time event

Losing loved ones is a part of life. However, everyone looks at this loss in different ways. People have their own ways of grieving and recovering from such life-altering events. However, in an August 2024 episode of The Scatter Joy Project podcast, an author presented a fresh and insightful perspective on this topic. Zachariah Thompson, the founder of @thescatterjoyproject podcast and a mental health advocate, invited author Hanif Abdurraqib (@nifmuhammad) to discuss loss and the grief associated with it. 

"Loss isn't just a one-time event. It's something we experience repeatedly as we remember those we've lost. But there can be repeated gratitude in this process. Grief can be a way of revisiting memories, reaching for moments that define our connection. In this way, loss becomes a celebration of the life or moments we once shared with them," the caption of the podcast clip read. "The thing about loss is that you don't lose someone once," Abdurraqib explained in the episode.

"You lose someone the first initial time. That is the inciting event and then you live long enough without them and you lose them repeatedly for as long as you are alive and they are not. That means you have to get accustomed to burying someone repeatedly, which, if not thought of generously, can be too daunting," he added. Sharing his personal beliefs surrounding grief, Abdurraqib said he thinks grief is an emotion that continues to "knock on the doors of memories." 

"Grief asks you to recall something. There is a real gratitude in that and recollection. There is real gratitude in me for reaching for my mother's voice even when I don't retrieve it. But I am reaching for my mother nonetheless. It reminds me that I am losing a person over and over, but by losing them, I came to return to their side of living memories that I can recall. That is celebratory," Abdurraqib concluded. The comment section filled up with people who could relate to his words and thanked the author for making others look at grief and loss from a different perspective. @simplyhandmade wrote, "I lost my 8-year-old son 6.5 months ago. I needed to hear this. Thank you."

@allhailtheblackmarket commented, "Someone once told me the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the love that you felt and I don't think a day goes by that I don't think about this." @destini.ann wrote, "Thank you for the opportunity to cry for the beautiful connection I had with my mother. Grief’s been knocking and I haven’t answered the door in a while. I’m glad I got to tonight." @geo_antoinette shared, "I couldn’t agree more. It really does come down to how you want to perceive the situation and I will always choose to celebrate the memory of my lost ones. It still hurts, but it’s a blessing to have them pop up in my thoughts during my day-to-day." @meditationwithlily added, "Stunning summary of a new relationship to grief. Reminds me of Francis Weller’s work."

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