Boyfriend asks if he is wrong for going on pre-planned trip without girlfriend who can't afford it

Some plans in life are deeply personal, and we don't want them to be delayed or hindered. However, balancing personal desires with loved ones' feelings can be challenging. This was the case for u/AudDMurphy, a 39-year-old man who shared his story on Reddit. He had been planning a "milestone" trip for his 40th birthday. When his girlfriend expressed a desire to join him but couldn't afford any expenses, he questioned whether he was wrong for wanting to take the vacation alone.

The man and his 33-year-old girlfriend were happy in their three-month-old relationship. Things were going well between the couple until the man brought up the topic of his 40th birthday. "Next year, I turn 40. And I've never taken an actual vacation. I've extended work trips to do something fun where I am. I've traveled to visit friends or family," the man shared. Now, he wants to take a week-long trip just to have fun and relax. "My criteria is that the trip needs to be at least a week and be international," he added. 

"I've also worked hard to get my finances in shape since my 20s. Now I have a decent business and some money set aside and I feel like I'm ready for a trip and next year would be a great opportunity as it is a milestone birthday," the man remarked. "My girlfriend is great. She works hard and supports herself. But she doesn't make as much money and, most importantly, is currently saddled with around $20k in credit card debt arising from a period of unexpected unemployment," he shared, revealing how the woman was forced to live off her savings and take a credit card debt.

"When the topic of this trip came up, she first asked if she could go. I said sure. She then asked if we could go to Vegas. I told her about my desire for this to be an international trip. Then she expressed concern over whether she could afford it while in debt," he recounted. He offered to cover the lodging expenses and half of her flight expenses. "Because we haven't been dating long, I don't feel comfortable paying her the whole way and feel she should contribute financially to come along," the man wrote, expressing his concern. "She then told me she didn't feel she could afford to cover meals + half airfare even if I went somewhere relatively cheap," he added.

"So I said that I understood, but I also have been wanting to do this milestone birthday thing for a while now and I still intend to go even if just by myself and would only be gone a week," the man pointed out. It led to an argument between the couple and the girlfriend got upset. The man's friends and families are split between encouraging him to go ahead with something he has been planning for so long and feeling that he shouldn't be planning a trip in front of a person who has debt to pay. So, the man took to Reddit for answers.

People in the comments felt the man should go on that trip, even if he has to go alone. u/1568314 wrote, "Three months and she expects you to either pay for her to go on an international, week-long vacation or change your long-term, bucket-list plans to suit her? You've got too much of your own life to let yourself be held back by someone you're barely invested in."

u/wandering_salad commented, "MATE, RUN. This woman gives zero fs about you and your life and your plans! Her attitude is, 'If I can't be part of the fun, he doesn't get to have fun without me.' Who does that? It is not someone who cares about you. RUN." u/EmphaticallyWrong remarked, "At three months, I don't think I would feel comfortable taking an international trip with someone. That's a big step. I would never dream of asking someone to pay for it after three months! Take the trip by yourself, enjoy your bucket list moment and have another trip with her that is shorter and closer to home."