Being nice can often make one feel obligated to go out of their way to accommodate someone else needs but that doesn't always have to be the case.
Taking a stand for oneself is an act of self-empowerment, a testament to one's self-worth. It's crucial to understand that asserting your needs and desires doesn't tarnish your character; it strengthens it. Often, societal expectations and the relentless pursuit of what we think we should be doing drown out our genuine aspirations. When people brand someone as a "good girl," it frequently implies that they're a people pleaser, prioritizing others' needs over their own, often at a personal cost. Hence, trauma-informed coach Molly Wentzel—who goes by @thegoodgirlrevolt on TikTok—presented three actions that "good girls" and chronic pleasers frequently believe are off-limits.
According to Wentzel, the first thing to know is that "good girls" and chronic pleasers have the right to say "no." People who habitually prioritize others' needs often struggle with uttering the word "no." Wentzel stressed that it's entirely acceptable to decline without offering explanations. People pleasers often prioritize the facade of being "nice" over following their instincts and desires, which leads them to agree to tasks they'd prefer to avoid. Remember, "no" is a complete sentence.
Secondly, perpetual people pleasers can let others face the consequences of their actions. "Good girls" frequently feel compelled to ensure everyone's well-being, even when they're not well themselves. Wentzel advises that this responsibility primarily extends to our children. Other adults should be responsible for their feelings and emotions. When they attempt to shift this responsibility, stand your ground and distance yourself from unnecessary negativity or drama.
And lastly, as Wentzel mentioned, "good girls" are permitted to walk away. They are under no obligation to remain in situations that no longer serve their interests. Understand that not every problem thrust upon them is their responsibility to solve. It's not their duty to fix others and need not tolerate people's actions indefinitely. Self-worth is paramount, so don't let anyone exploit your kindness or commitment to doing good by trapping you in situations you'd rather avoid.
Those identified as "good girls" and chronic people pleasers often engage in self-sacrifice to gain approval or maintain a favorable image. They've been conditioned to exhibit unwavering kindness, even when it's undeserved, which often involves compromising personal boundaries and enduring unfavorable situations.
Wentzel concluded her video by saying, "You are allowed to walk away from people who continue to harm you." People on the platform resonated with what she had to say about "good girls" and shared their opinions on the matter. @c_crow_c said, "'You are allowed to walk away at any time.' Why does this sound so revolutionary?" @jen.con45 shared her story, "I stayed with an ex who was horribly disrespectful to me and it was the beginning of my reinvention of no longer being a people pleaser."
@ecilyamoosed commented, "Finally said no to my boss asking me to stay late. It was hard to do but liberating to stick to it. And I didn't cry!" @silverluna268 shared, "Being a people pleaser hurt me so much. I have dealt with a lot because I wanted everyone to like me. I'm currently trying to break that cycle."