Children's tantrums are the one thing we avoid at all costs. However, this toddler mum says they are the 'big feelings' that matter in child development.
While growing up, children learn a lot about themselves just as their parents learn about them. During the initial years, children learn to identify themselves, communicate and express their feelings and emotions. Therefore, tantrums that are tragic and annoying are more than just your child being needy or stubborn. Adelynn Minnees is a toddler mom, who goes on TikTok with the username @minneesday - who explained why she does not stop her child from having tantrums and why every parent should practice the same.
She posted a video on TikTok where her daughter Bella was crying uncontrollably. She explained that this was Bella's second meltdown and was because of a simple reason: Her dad opened the packet of chips instead of her mom. The video captured how Minnees was patiently and calmly dealing with her child. She clarified one thing in her video using text overlay, "Tantrums are developmentally normal. It is not naughty behavior." She further said that these are the "big feelings'' a child is starting to face as they learn different emotions.
Minnees explains that these "big feelings," in the form of tantrums, are harder on the child than on parents. She also said that there is a way to regulate and deal with these tantrums and avoiding or shushing them is not part of it. It will also eventually help them develop the skill of calming themselves down. Minnees also explained, "Suppressing these emotions may urge your child to 'second-guess' these feelings. When they are older, they will think it is wrong to have these feelings."
For parents who might wonder that tantrums are disturbing and they cannot watch their child cry away for so long, there is something you can do and Minnees suggested three alternatives. Firstly, she said, "Stay calm, be present and listen." She also mentioned "Say, Less. Don't distract them while they are experiencing these 'big feelings.'" Lastly, she said, "It is necessary that they feel and vent these emotions as it will further help them regulate the same." In the video, she is seen calm with her child, silently and patiently holding her while she's having a tantrum. She is also gentle with Bella, caressing her, at times, even letting her be so she can vent her emotions.
She elaborated that as parents, we should show them that it is okay to have these feelings so they are not afraid to share them with us now or in the future. She then mentioned that Bella's first meltdown took an hour before she could calm down. However, the second was shorter in duration. It took her only 30 minutes. She concluded the video by saying that once your child has calmed down, you can talk to them about their feelings.
Several people in the comment section and fellow parents shared their experiences with tantrums and the treatment they tried or received. @kellis263 said, "And this doesn't make them 'spoiled.' It does help them be less explosive and feel loved from a young age." Other commenters shared how their tantrums were more than just weeping and screaming. @donnieisdora said, "My mum said whenever I had a tantrum, I used to faint." The emphasis remains that tantrums are a part of your child's growth and shushing or avoiding them is as good as stunting their emotional development.
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