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These 1979 horoscope readings are outrageously funny and brutally cruel at the same time

Typically published in newspapers, horoscopes often offer vague future predictions based on birth signs, sometimes providing positive forecasts while other times delivering less favorable ones.

These 1979 horoscope readings are outrageously funny and brutally cruel at the same time
Cover Image Source: Pexels | Photo by Mikhail Nilov

When it comes to beliefs about horoscopes, individuals can generally be categorized into three groups. The first group consists of skeptics who completely dismiss horoscopes and their predictions. The second group comprises avid believers who adhere to every word and interpretation provided by horoscopes. Lastly, there are those who view horoscopes as a source of entertainment and don't take them seriously but still enjoy reading them for fun.

Representative Image Source: Pizabay | MabelAmber
Representative Image Source: Pixabay | MabelAmber

When most often published in a newspaper, they tend to make vague predictions of our future based on our birth sign. On some days, people get a good prediction and a few others might get bad ones. However, in 1979, one horoscope writer chose to be hilariously cruel and spared no sign. Here is a list where you can find what your "horror scope" says.

1. Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinking you’re a f***ing jerk.

2. Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)

You have a vivid imagination and often think you are followed by the FBI or CIA. You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a dip****.

3. Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)

You are the pioneer type and think that most people are d***heads. You are quick-tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a pr**k.

4. Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)

You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. You are nothing but a damn Communist.

5. Gemini (May 21 – Jun 20)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap b*****/b****.

6. Cancer (Jun 21 – Jul 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding of other people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a s***. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.


7. Leo (Jul 23 – Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born reader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies, you are vain and can’t tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving and mother f*****s and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.

8. Virgo (Aug 23 – Sep 22)

You are the logical type and hate discord. This s***-picking is sickening to your friends. You’re unemotional and often fall asleep while f***ing. Virgos are good bus drivers and pimps.

9. Libra (Sep 23 – Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are nil. Most Libra women are w****s – all Libras die of venereal disease.

10. Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 22)

The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and can’t be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-b****. Most Scorpios are murderers.

11. Sagittarius (Nov 23 – Dec 21)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. Nixon is a Sagittarian. You are not worth the time of day.

12. Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickens***. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.


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