Mom gives honest advice to people asking if having kids is 'worth it'

A lot of people may have questions if having kids is worth the struggles. In fact, a woman asked this very question and one mom's reply on TikTok is causing quite a stir. Parenthood is far from easy and writer Farrah Haidar is getting candid about what it means to be a parent. She responded to the TikToker who asked her followers to help convince her that having kids is “worth it,” to which Haidar replied, “I think if you're asking if kids are worth it, then you're not ready for parenthood. I know that sounds harsh, but you're just not.”

The writer notes that being a parent won't be a great choice for people who are looking to get something out of having children. She explained that’s truly not what parenthood is about. Haidar also said how everyone's journey is different and there's no real blueprint that tells you how your life will look like with kids. “No one can tell you what parenthood is going to be like. You want to know why? Because every person's parenthood is completely different,” she said. “When you sign up to become a parent, you sign up for one of the wildest rides of your life that you have zero control over, zero preview of, and no one can tell you what's going to happen.”

It's an unpredictable journey and you never know what “kind” of child you’re going to get. “You could have a kid with mental or health challenges that needs you to completely re-modify your life. You could have an athlete that makes you spend every weekend on a soccer field that you hate, or you could have a theater student that has you attending shows left, right, and center, but through all that, you're going to have to figure it out,” she detailed.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't bring happiness, love and laughter as well. In fact, she thinks there is so much joy in giving and that children "are the biggest catalyst towards growth" and they will test a parent in every way.  "They will test your marriage. They will test what you think about yourself. They will have, especially if you wanna be a good parent, they will have you healing parts of yourself you never even thought of,” she said. “They will bring you the highest joys and the hardest lows, and every stage will be different.”

But Haider wants people to be honest about their experiences as well as their expectations.  “Also, I will say as a woman, no matter what you do, no matter how great your husband is, no matter what, you will bear a lot of the physical burden of having children just because you're the one birthing them. It's a reality. A biological reality,” she admitted. She also suggested reframing the question and instead of asking if kids are “worth it,” people who are considering having kids should ask themselves if they are ready to keep giving until they think they can’t give anything else without expecting anything in return.

Many people echoed her sentiments with @beauty4ashes38 writing, "'Kids don’t heal a marriage. They REVEAL it!' Yes!" @a_lee_see_a said, "Everyone pictures a healthy and happy child and no one is prepared for less. You have to be ready to do whatever you have to to raise them well!" @benjiblackcat added, "If you’re between yes and no, it’s no."