Can't get over that one 'almost' relationship? Science says your brain needs to 'close the loop'

Do you often think about your 'broken' or 'unfinished' relationships? Well, if it's a yes, then you're not alone, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're still in love with that person. In fact, Mahin Kohneh (@mahinkohneh), a psychologist, explains that it's your brain trying to "close the loop." In a video posted on her Instagram page, Kohneh linked trauma bonding with what is called the Zeigarnik effect, first observed and described by Bluma Zeigarnik, a Russian psychologist, in 1927, according to Very Well Mind. 

Bluma observed that waiters at a restaurant in Vienna, Ziegarnik, remembered every unpaid order but immediately forgot the details once they were cleared. Curious, she led an experiment, asking participants to complete simple tasks, such as solving a math problem, etc., and intentionally interrupted half of them midway. After an hour, Bluma asked the participants to describe what they had been working on, but found that those who were interrupted were twice as likely to remember it better than the rest. Similarly, in another experiment, Bluma observed that people remember their unfinished tasks nearly 90% more often than the work they had completed. Later, in the 1960s, John Baddeley delved further into her findings and thus noted that people indeed have a better memory for unfinished work.

But why does our brain prioritize unfinished, uninterrupted memories over completed ones? When we are exposed to too much information, our brain uses certain tricks to remember it, and the "Zeigarnik effect" is one of them. It basically means that we keep thinking about incomplete tasks until we get them done. Likewise, we may be over a romantic relationship, but the thought may come back to us again and again because our minds treat it as an unfinished chapter. As with any other unfinished task, broken relationships also create mental tension, and we constantly feel the need to "close the loop," as Kohneh explained. For instance, a survey by Bedbible found that 71% of people think "too much" about their ex-partner after a breakup. Among those, 81% of single people reported still being lost in their exes' thoughts, while 72% of committed and 60% of married people reported the same after their separation. 

Meanwhile, reacting to the Instagram reel, @sweetcindyshoney suggested, "To end the loop, you need to create a scenery where it ended, then your brain thinks that task is done and doesn’t remind you of it anymore. I did it, and it worked, but it only works if you’re ready to let go. If you still want to be attached to him/her, it doesn’t matter how many scenarios you create where you end it. If you still create scenarios where you go back to him/her, your brain is capable of so many things. Use it!" Similarly, @jessica.l1209 shared, "My brain does this all the time, but not just with people. If I had a question about something but never got the answer, my brain would hyperfixate on it until I got the answer."

You can follow Mahin Kohneh (@mahinkohneh) on Instagram for more psychology-related content.

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