Women candidly discuss the major parenting mistakes made by their fathers that had lasting effects on their relationships.
As kids, we tend to think of our parents in a very ideal manner. We think they are flawless and do not make mistakes. As we grow up, we find out that this is not the case with everyone and understand that they are also human beings. The reason we are discussing this is because fathers and daughters always share a special bond. But sometimes, things need not always be rosy and great. So, along the lines, u/Bluemonday82 asked the "daughters of Reddit": "What's the biggest mistake dads make with their daughters?" She got many responses but here are 10 of the most thought-provoking answers that women on the platform had to offer.
The one mistake my dad made was not really being present. A lot of the memories I have of him are of him watching TV or being on the computer and not having time to play with me. He always said that he was too tired or he’ll come play later but then he never did. So, since we never really bonded when I was little, we weren’t all that close as I grew older either. -u/katie__kat. Ouch, I feel this one - it hurts to have that “loving but distant” father and it absolutely impacts how we interact with men in our daily lives. -u/BrashPop
Not having anything to do with their daughters because the dad "doesn't have anything in common with a girl." This goes double if a son shows up and the dad is really involved in the son's life. -u/Dangerous_Contact737. My best friend has the best relationship with her dad. Not because they’re similar. They are polar opposites. But the dad always makes time to just talk to his daughter. He knows so much about baking from just listening to his daughter and being in the kitchen while she bakes. Literally just being there and getting to know your kid makes all the difference. -u/DenseWheat113
Getting angry for something the kid doesn't know and never teaching it (not before and not even after getting angry). Doing something you know that upsets the kid on purpose. Hitting doors and stuff in the house because you're angry. Not listening and talking only to make themselves look smart and great parents rather than talking to help. -u/yoyuayu. Didn’t have to scroll very far to find the description of my dad- especially slamming doors and hitting things loudly when upset while stomping all over the house. People always get a kick out of how jumpy I am (easily startled), but it’s reflexive from anticipating loud bangs/crashing that would come out of nowhere every day. -u/ouija__bored
Literally knowing nothing about their daughter's life. Those ‘funny’ videos where they ask fathers basic questions - like what their daughter's birthday, or eye color, or school is and the dads have no idea are not at all funny. I love my dad but he can’t tell you anything about me - even the name of the place I’ve worked for over 6 years. -u/Lazylioness17. One year when I was in elementary, my mom left a comically large piece of paper on the front door for my dad telling him not to forget to wish me a happy birthday. Not only did he not wish me a happy birthday, but he somehow didn’t see the gigantic sign when he walked into the house from work. So I got to read it when I got home from school. Sometimes I think about calling him to check in but then I think of that (and other complete fumbles) and then I just don’t. -u/TetonsTeaTin
Making fun when your small daughter is having big feelings. I got so furiously frustrated when my parents wouldn't listen to what I was trying to tell them and my dad just loved to mock my crying or would make squeaky "upset" voice back at me. It made me so f*****g hurt and angry to not only be ignored and patronized, but actively mocked when I tried to communicate. Now as an adult, I don't bother trying to share anything with them. -u/Not_a_werecat. Or them blaming your emotions on your period. My dad would always say “just give it a few days” because I’d be off my period. It never made sense when he’d say it every time I got upset. According to his math, I had a period 3-4 times a month. -u/spud-soup
Being present only financially. -u/randomthingythingy. The heartbreaking thing is that I see my friends as dads slipping back into this behavior. They know how bad it is, but they just don't want to do the work it takes to be truly present. I get it, we're all exhausted, but your wife also works full time and does more around the house, as well as the child-rearing. It's so common. And so many of them insist they're "equal partners." -u/SeasonPositive6771
Not listening and acting when your child says “No.” I’m not talking about issues of health and safety but more general “I don’t want to be tickled right now” or “please, don’t call me that nickname you think is cute but I’ve told you I dislike.” She has to be able to trust that the first important man in her life will listen when she expresses what she will and won’t consent to. -u/wi2ny05. Oh my god, this unearthed a core childhood memory where he didn’t stop tickling me and I wet the bed and cried out of embarrassment and frustration. He handled it well after, helped me change my sheets and apologized, plus never ignored my “stops” again, but that one time is tattooed on my brain forever. -u/Signficant_Trip_560
Thinking that your daughter's emotional needs are being met by her mother. Even if mom and daughter are very close and talk often, it is still important to ask your daughter about her day, her relationships, her triumphs and struggles. My mom is my best friend, but our relationship was more volatile than my relationship with my dad and I was scared of disappointing her. My dad was often neutral territory and got to hear all the gossip before mom did. My dad was awesome! u/bustopygritte
Acting like periods are disgusting. -u/LeaBee89. My dad was so great about this when I was growing up. He once said, "I don't mind picking up pads or tampons for you or your mother when you need them because I can't use them. Just don't expect me to pick up pantyhose. I don't want to explain that to a cashier." He was also quick with the ibuprofen or hot water bottle when I didn't feel well. I lucked out in the dad department. -u/nunswithknives
When I was under the age of 10, my dad would take me on fishing/hunting trips, etc. After puberty started, forget it. In fact, I remember being 15 and I expressed interest in wanting to go hunting for a few hours. The time comes around to head out and I go outside just for my other relatives to tell me that dad already left (and took my 16-year-old male cousin with him, instead). For the longest time, I really didn’t spend much alone time with my dad because I felt as though he wasn’t interested in spending time with me. Reddit