Woman's candid take on why she hates being a guest highlights gender bias in hosting culture

Society imposes numerous expectations on women, one of which is the overburdening expectation for them to offer help when visiting someone else’s home as a guest. This expectation not only feels inappropriate but also perpetuates patriarchy, placing women in the spotlight. That is why one woman took it upon herself to send a strong and empowering message while explaining why she does not like being a guest at other people’s homes. An epidemiologist from New Orleans, Los Angeles, Gabrielle Perry—who goes by @GeauxGabrielle on X—gained support from the online community after pointing out a major flaw in hosting culture.

In a post, Perry criticized the unfair expectations placed on women while attending family gatherings. The founder of “The Thurman Perry Foundation” strongly condemned families that didn’t allow women to simply be guests. Shared a day after Christmas, her message also highlighted how men often receive preferential treatment during such gatherings. “The thing I always hate about going to any family’s house is that women don’t get to be guests,” the activist wrote, speaking from the heart..

Following this, Perry emphasized that men eagerly embrace such roles because society places few expectations on them. “Men do (get to be guests),” she explained, pointing out how men are often put on a pedestal compared to women. Notably, women are typically expected to take charge or contribute when it comes to cooking and cleaning during family gatherings. “We have to immediately offer to help cook, serve, clean, et cetera,” the activist added, critiquing this ingrained societal norm.

“If not, it’s not ‘polite,’” Perry stated further, asserting that the expectation was built on an unequal foundation. She questioned how women are mistreated when they challenge this dominant societal norm. She pointed out that women are often looked down upon for resting as guests. Perry also shared that she never expected her guests to pitch in with household chores. Regardless of gender, she noted, she had never had guests in her home do anything. Her post highlighted the importance of seeking a guest’s consent before asking them to contribute to household work, and it underlined the unfair labeling of women who don’t offer to help.

The message reached over 3.6 million viewers worldwide. Among the countless reactions, @playnicenow2 recalled, “I once had a coworker complain that her Jewish sister-in-law never helped when they came from another city to be house guests. I said, without knowing this, 'Yeah but she doesn't expect you to do anything when you visit her.' She thought for a moment and said 'You're right.' It's a Jewish custom that you don't expect guests to work.” “It’s so annoying to me and it’s why I always tell guests that—no, please sit down. They are my guests,” @AngieByasee added. “My act of micro-feminism this year was making my mum include my brother in the kitchen roster,” remarked @dkmcno. “Unfortunately, it's been firmly ingrained in the culture. There are no actual holidays for women in most families. If anything, women work harder during holidays than at any other time during the year. It's an exhausting time for women with all the cooking, cleaning and decorating. Complaining about it does no good. I know. Consider yourself fortunate if you can just be a guest at a holiday gathering,” shared @StarDust808080.