She found her husband’s 'goodbye letter' in his toolbox — but the date on it made her realize something wasn’t right

Trigger Warning: This article contains themes of suicide that some readers may find distressing.

Being unsure of how to help a loved one who is struggling is one of the hardest things in life. u/KelsetToffeeBun shared a personal turmoil she is going through on Reddit. She and her husband have been married for six years. She is 29 years old, and her husband is 31. She thought things were going well in her marriage until one day she found a folded note in his toolbox while cleaning the garage. She was stunned when she realized that it was actually a suicide note he had written three months ago. The good news is that her husband is alive and with her, but she is worried that he is still battling his demons and enduring a silent struggle.

In the note, her husband had written a detailed explanation of how he felt, which led him to have suicidal thoughts. She reiterated in the post, "He wrote about feeling like he failed me, like he was useless, like I deserved better. He wrote that he was sorry for not being enough." The reason that drove him to these thoughts was not marital problems. At the end of the letter, he signed, "I love you. I'm sorry." He was not angry or distant, which broke her heart. It was a reflection of how deeply he loved his wife, but painfully believed that he was not good enough for her.

The author was not sure how to approach such a sensitive matter. She wondered if bringing it up might help or if it would actually push him to do it. At the same time, she is also considering pretending like she never saw the note. But this option is also just as terrifying. What if he feels like he has no one to talk to, and the pain gets too much for him? She does not want to end up with a letter that "isn’t tucked away but left out for me." With this, she reached out for help to the Reddit community.

People who struggle with suicidal thoughts may be struggling with various things in their lives. A study was done by PubMed to determine the main reasons or motivations mentioned in suicide notes. Letters from people between the ages of 18 and 74 were taken into consideration, and one notable finding showed that the majority (73.5%) of the suicide notes were from men. There is also a contrast between the reasons of different age groups and sexes.

For men, the most common reason mentioned was financial problems. On the other hand, women were dealing with low self-worth. The notes written by the younger people were focused on their relationship problems, while those of the older age group mentioned major life events, marital issues, and divorce.

People shared their thoughts and advice on how the author should approach the matter. The majority of them leaned towards talking to her spouse, but told her to do it in a way so that he would not feel attacked or ridiculed. u/gemologyst commented, "You should probably bring it up gently. He might seem okay, but some people are really good at hiding their feelings." u/pearpt wrote, "All research into suicide shows that talking about it is one of the best ways to prevent it. From my own experience with something similar, I recommend listening, supporting, and finding him outside help. Sending love to both of you."

If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, or know of anyone who is, please contact The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433).

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