A therapist explains why she still orders coffee in her late mother’s name, 33 years later (Exclusive)

Miranda Malone (@themotherlosstherapist), a therapist from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, prefers to use her late mother's name, Rosalie's, when ordering coffee for herself. As uncommon as it seems, Malone has been doing it for 33 years now, and explains that the 'ritual' has helped her connect with the departed soul in ways we can not imagine. Malone posted about it on January 16; so far, the video has been viewed 5 million times on Instagram. In an exclusive interview with Scoop Upworthy, Malone shared that she first used her mom’s name at a coffee shop decades ago during a moment of longing, and the practice stayed with her because "something about hearing it spoken back felt like she still existed in the world."

Malone, also a hypnotherapist, expresses that every time she speaks her mom's name out loud, it activates the neural pathways that once connected her to Rosalie. "The ones built through love, touch, safety, and recognition. Even though her body is gone, her consciousness still exists within us," she writes. While Malone knows that her mom isn't physically present, saying her name momentarily makes her feel closer to Rosalie. "It gently shifts the nervous system away from absence and toward connection," she explains. In fact, when Malone hears the barista repeat her mom's name, she says it creates "a moment of regulation, grounding, and continuity instead of rupture." The clinical therapist who has been working exclusively with women whose moms have passed on says it's not just sentimental but deeply rooted in science, spirit, and remembrance.

Expanding on that science, Malone told Scoop Upworthy, "From a nervous system and attachment perspective, names matter." She explained that saying a loved one’s name activates networks linked to connection, safety, recognition, and belonging — pathways that remain intact "even when someone is no longer alive." She added that this aligns with grief research around continuing bonds, where maintaining an internal relationship with someone who has died is often "healthy and adaptive rather than 'letting go.'"

When asked what she feels in the moment a barista calls out "Rosalie," Malone said the emotions change day by day. "Some days I forget I used her name. Other days, I’m anxiously anticipating it," she shared. At times it brings a swell of grief, especially around Mother’s Day, her mom’s birthday, or her death date, but more often, it feels like "a quiet acknowledgment… like she existed, like she still matters." Malone added that using her mother’s name in an ordinary public space allows her to carry Rosalie "in ordinary, human ways instead of only in grief-heavy ones." She also noted that the ritual has naturally evolved over the years but has always been a grounding point, saying it helps her integrate the relationship "in a way that supports regulation and meaning-making rather than isolation."

This is a classic example of "continuing bond theory" designed to challenge older grief models that emphasized letting go. The concept, developed by Dennis Klass, Phyllis Silverman, and Steven Nickman in the 1990s, explains that the relationship with a loved one doesn't end with death; it only changes its form, and often becomes a symbolic rather than a physical connection.

For example, let's talk about a study led by Terrah L. Foster that looked at the experiences of parents and siblings who stay emotionally connected to a child who died from cancer. The research studied 40 families and found that almost everyone (97%) intentionally stayed connected to the child by thinking about them, talking to them, or doing things that they would have liked, and more often than not, they were helped by it. The same study revealed that more than half (58%) reported feeling comforted by continuing a bond with the deceased child, unlike the 10% who said the connections made them feel uncomfortable. 

Meanwhile, netizens were in 'awe' watching Malone honor her dead mom through her small yet beautiful gesture; for instance, @parmajohnna commented, "I lost my mom a decade ago, and I still use her phone number when I shop at PetSmart. After I give the # (number), they always confirm, 'Catherine?' and I say, 'mhm.' It brings me comfort for some reason." @marilee17 wrote, "Thank you for this beautiful idea. My mom went by her middle name, and she gave me her middle name as mine too (but I go by my first name). She died 8 months ago, and I talk about her every day to my kids and husband. I’m going to use this beautiful idea."

You can follow Miranda Malone (@themotherlosstherapist) on Instagram for lifestyle content.

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This article originally appeared 1 month ago.