She was about to mail her ex-husband a 'Relationship Plan' to save their 10-yr marriage until a Google doc caught her eye — and made her press delete
“I wanted to go home. Drive across the state, knock on the door of our house and throw my arms around him when he answered and never let go,” she said.
Eight weeks after escaping an abusive marriage, Dr. Ruth (@HealingbytheNumbers) thought she was slowly rebuilding her life. But one conversation with a mutual friend, followed by a FaceTime call with her ex-husband, made her wonder if he had really changed. She even began drafting a "New Relationship Plan"—until a forgotten Google Doc from years earlier reminded her exactly why she had left. In a July 22, 2026 YouTube video, she recounted that the document reminded her of why she left him in the first place. She retreated back into her shell and vowed to never get back to her ex.
All that 'could have been'
Ever since she escaped her husband, Dr. Ruth spent her days jostling in grief and imagining what could have been. She succeeded in rebuilding her life, until a meeting with John threw her back again in the web of disillusionment. John and his wife Jane were still in contact with her ex. At one moment during their conversation, Dr. Ruth asked John about her husband out of curiosity. That’s when he revealed that her ex wasn’t doing well. He was depressed, struggling, and trying to be better.
Revival of hope
Knowing that the man she spent a decade of her life with was taking therapy and attending domestic violence classes, Dr. Ruth experienced a meltdown. When she reached home, there was an email from her husband awaiting in the inbox that said, “I hope you're doing okay. If you ever want to talk on the phone again, let me know.” The realization that she still loved him made her tear up. “I wanted to go home. Drive across the state, knock on the door of our house and throw my arms around him when he answered and never let go.” Thoughts like these were spinning in her head.
Emotional whiplash
That night, her husband FaceTimed her and all the moments they spent together came flooding back. Both cried. With conditions for trying a new relationship after the divorce, Dr. Ruth agreed to give them another chance. Excited, she opened her laptop and started creating a “New Relationship Plan” in Google Docs. Hope seemed to have revived, until it was squashed again. Her eyes caught a 5-year-old Google Doc where she had documented one of their fights. Reading the document, she realized she had already explained, in painstaking detail, how unsafe she felt, the hurtful things to her when he was angry, and how he repeatedly questioned her intelligence—and her ex had acknowledged it years earlier without changing. The discovery shattered the hope she'd begun rebuilding and convinced her that another "relationship plan" wouldn't fix what had already been ignored.
Sunk cost fallacy
This phenomenon is not uncommon among those who escape relationships that are putting their sanity in danger. Studies have indicated that the victims of this phenomenon often experience cognitive dissonance and confusion over whether they actually want to leave their partners or dream of a life with them. A study cited by Sage Choice surveyed 104 females. 66.3% of the females reported that they had separated from and returned to their abusive partners at least once.
Some viewers suggested that these feelings reflected the sunk cost fallacy. According to Asana, the “sunk cost fallacy” in relationships occurs when someone chooses to stay in an unfulfilling relationship because of the time, energy, or emotions they have already invested, rather than evaluating whether it serves them now.
Don't let your emotions take you over
Viewers comforted Dr. Ruth’s brain by saying that she was allowing herself to get pulled by emotions and she should trust what her intellect had to tell her. @Susanbracken4237 commented, “All of those feelings of missing the good times and hoping for a better future are definitely grief. Read anything about loss and grieving and it’s the same roller coaster of emotions as you try to stumble forward.” @enigma1487 shared, “That realisation that they will never change... I felt that, like it happened all over again... I feel seen. And it's such a comfort to know my experience is a shared one. It hurts, a lot... but it's the hurt I choose because I can heal from it. Staying would have hurt far more.”
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