Woman uses 'bucket theory in dating' to explain how people end up in toxic relationships

People usually have certain set preferences when it comes to dating. However, finding a person who ticks all the boxes might be a difficult thing. Dating expert Courtney Shields, who goes by @cortney.shields on TikTok, took to the platform to share how people can get into toxic relationships because of unchecked boxes through a popular dating theory called "the bucket theory." The theory separates all potential partners into three buckets and explains why people should probably not get into serious relationships with people from a certain bucket.

"If you are in a relationship this one is for you. This is what I like to call the bucket theory," Shields shared. "I want you to think of dating in buckets and I want you to imagine three different buckets. Bucket one are people you are simply not interested in. Period, no matter what. That's a bucket one person." Then come the bucket two people who can be the "trickiest," according to the dating expert. "Your bucket two people are going to be someone that you like for XYZ reasons but they are missing something or multiple things on your list," she explained. "Say you have something on your list that is a mega deal breaker."

"Like this person doesn't want to get married and I do or whatever. That person is a bucket two person because they don't have something that is an absolute must for you," Shields explained, giving an example. "But you still might end up liking this person when they start going out with you. A situationship can happen in bucket two but a relationship shouldn't," she added. "Then you have your bucket three people. Now bucket three people are the unicorns. They are the people who have everything on your list and appear to be a potentially good partner for you. You can bring this person to meet your friends, to meet your family." This person's values align with you, as per Shields.

However, she cautioned that one has to date and see if bucket three people are the person they actually want to be with or if they are just a checklist. "Now the key here and I have done this, you can't make a bucket two person a bucket three person. Try to make a bucket two a bucket three and you will get a toxic relationship," the dating expert revealed. This happens because bucket two people don't have something that you really want but you are trying to put them in bucket three anyway. "You are in a toxic relationship because now you have been with someone for over a year but they don't want to get married but that was a must for you or whatever it is," she disclosed. Shields explained how situations like this put you in a predicament because you put a bucket two in bucket three.

People took to the comments section to share their experiences and support the bucket theory. @mylifeisahotmess79 expressed, "You make it seem so logical.. Three years with my bucket two.. my bucket three came along but why do I still miss the toxic bucket." @emilieg_ifbpro commented, "Oh boy. Definitely trying to make a two a three currently. Damn it." @insearchofme remarked, "Thought I had a bucket three and now he’s definitely a bucket two... seriously where are the bucket three guys." @kmarieclaire shared, "Why are we constantly trying to make bucket two, bucket three people? Then too scared to date bucket three for fear of getting hurt."

You can follow Courtney Shields (@courtney.shields) on TikTok for more relationship content.