She was ready to confront her childhood bully who reached out. When she heard why — she chose forgiveness
'I will forever choose kindness...'
Trigger Warning: This article contains themes of bullying that some readers may find distressing
Nina Pimenova (@ninatells on Instagram) had a miserable time dealing with a childhood bully in school. She had just moved into a new country, and her family was going through a tough time financially. On top of everything else, cultural differences made her life even more awful; in fact, her classmate, a bully, often mocked her for bringing "weird" food to school, leaving Pimenova heartbroken. However, years later, when the same bully called her, asking for help after her husband's demise, Pimenova just couldn't say no. And the reason is painfully beautiful.
Pimenova had also lost her husband, and his funeral was the first one she ever attended. In fact, it was so difficult for her that she described it as the "loneliest" day of her life. Now that she had lived through the heartbreaking experience of losing a partner she had dreamt of for a lifetime, she couldn't help but respond immediately when her childhood bully reached out after the same heartbreak. Pimenova forgot about all those moments when the bully had hurt her badly, focusing instead on comforting a friend who had gone through an unbelievable tragedy.
"It was about realizing a deep human need for connection and the ability to speak with someone who has lived it and truly understood," she wrote. Pimenova explained how one should always try and read between the lines. She said not everything is black and white; sometimes our past forces us to act inane. However, as maturity hits, we learn to differentiate between right and wrong and regret our past actions. "We all have a past. We have regrets. And we act in ways in our younger years that have no bearing on our lives as adults," Pimenova justified. "I will forever choose kindness," she added.
Bullying can't be justified, but holding onto that anger for someone who has hurt you does more harm than good in your later life. Research has shown that forgiveness, in fact, not only promotes better mental health but also results in reduced psychosocial distress outcomes in the long run. Likewise, Everett Worthington, a clinical psychologist and also the co-author of a similar research, confirmed the same. "The main way that forgiveness affects mental health is by lowering rumination. As we forgive, we get a certain amount of closure on that incident, and that closure dampens down that rumination," he told CNBC. In his experiment, Worthington asked all participants to practise forgiveness, and after two weeks, he observed that half of them reported experiencing fewer symptoms of depression and anxiety.
Meanwhile, reacting to Pimenova's reel, @sarahlynntravelplanner shared, "I got the opportunity to apologize as an adult to someone I was unkind to as a young teen. He was way too gracious and kind to me, but I could see that it was an apology he needed. I’ve always been so grateful for that opportunity." Similarly, @midnightmukbangasmr wrote, "The fact that you chose to be there for her during her hard times whereas she bullied you in your younger days says a lot about you as a person. Thank you for choosing kindness to understand her pain and not minimizing how she felt."
On the other hand, @baptistecommovick said, "While I have forgiven my bullies, I have not forgotten them. And I will not offer them any sympathy either. I understand that bullying happens for a reason, and it was a long time ago, and they might have changed, but I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to them or even acknowledge their existence."
You can follow Nina Pimenova (@ninatells) on Instagram for lifestyle content.
If you or someone you know is being bullied, text CONNECT to 741741 for free, confidential support from a trained volunteer Crisis Counselor, available 24/7. If the situation is more volatile and requires immediate intervention, then call 1-800-273-8255
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