Your childhood shapes who you grow up to become. If you've had a tough childhood, your adulthood often includes a lot of unlearning.
Difficult childhoods pave the way for an even more difficult life for a person when they become adults. That is because adversity as kids teaches us not how to resolve it, but how to dodge it. That is why, kids from difficult homes often turn out to be manipulators or victims—both as a means for self-preservation. In this video posted by Csilla Love (@csilla.love) on TikTok, the mother-of-two explains how kids who've had a tough environment growing up become inherent people pleasers.
The video begins with Csilla playing the part of a child looking at someone and saying, "Oh god, he's come home in a bad mood again." Csilla then pretends to be the parent and responds, "Oh, you'd better believe it! And I provide for this family so if I am angry, you'd better walk on eggshells so that you don't make this situation any worse." This exchange in the beginning itself shows just how traumatizing growing up in that environment can be and just how much impact it can have on someone young.
The video then showcases a scenario wherein it seems as if the child is speaking. The child says: "I'm so afraid of conflict that I will do whatever it takes to just smooth things over so that I don't make them even more upset." This is the first hint towards children from difficult homes becoming people pleasers. Their instinct becomes to avoid conflict to such an extent, that they fail to realize just how much they're letting go of things for one sole purpose: avoiding conflict. Next, the child character is shown to be saying, "I have learned that in order for me to receive love, I need to put someone else's needs ahead of my own." This statement is as sad as it goes because love should inherently be unconditional. Especially the kind you are supposed to receive from family.
Lastly, the character says, "I've also learned that for me to stay safe in this family, I need to manage their emotions to keep them happy all the time. I'll grow up there knowing that I'm responsible for everyone's emotions and reactions."
View this post on Instagram
For a child to feel like this, it would be exhausting. Their turning into people pleasers almost seems inevitable. This whole video was extremely relatable to the comment section as well. A lot of the people realized just how much they needed therapy as well, or just why they behaved the way they did.
@abbey_rose7 talked about another thing that often happens to kids growing up in difficult households. They said, "Apologise even though you did nothing wrong." They rightly said how such kids often apologize as a means of conflict resolution. Another viewer @anothermarvelfanxo said, "It was the eggshells comment that made me realize I relate too hard to this." @irithylle_ said, "My parents were exactly like this and it's like a lot of parents can't even still apologize for what they put you through." Like they say, people will hurt you - but healing is your own responsibility. Growing up and living isn't just about learning about life, but also unlearning things.