Girlfriend found a love letter he wrote to a ‘friend’ — what he said about their relationship made her heart drop
'I know he didn't technically cheat, but it feels that way'
Some situations in a relationship often fall into a grey area when people aren’t clear about what is right or wrong, yet they still feel uncomfortable. It can leave people unsure about how to react. One woman found herself in such a dilemma when she discovered her boyfriend had written an emotional letter to a “friend” he’d stayed connected with for years. In a May 3, 2026, Reddit post, u/LetQuiGonsBeQuiGon shared her thoughts after learning about the other woman with whom he has remained in an on-and-off connection. As anyone in her situation would, she felt she had been cheated. “I know he didn't technically cheat, but it feels that way,” she confessed and asked Reddit whether she’s overreacting.
A two-faced lie
The woman said her boyfriend hadn’t been fully honest about his past. When they first met, he told her the other woman was just a friend. He claimed she had feelings for him, but he didn’t feel the same way. "[She] was very negative and discouraging when he tried to meet others. It was pretty bad when he met me," the woman wrote. But when he later wrote the letter, his tone didn’t match what he had told her. He described himself as “stressed,” “confused,” and “overwhelmed,” but to her, it felt like something more was going on.
A letter that raised questions
As the girlfriend read the letter, she noticed how personal it was with statements like “I wish I had known what you wanted.” He even mentioned growing old together with her, and the overall tone made her feel he still had strong feelings for the alleged "friend." Later, the girlfriend also discovered that this wasn’t a one-time situation. Both her boyfriend and the other woman had a pattern of staying connected while being in other relationships, keeping each other as a backup.
Because of all this, she told her boyfriend she wanted clear boundaries — either he cut off contact or kept things strictly casual. The other woman, however, felt she was overreacting. After knowing all this, she asked the readers, “Am I overreacting here? Is this cheating? Am I really that controlling?”
Past relationships don't just fade away
In accordance with what this woman experienced, research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, cited by BPS, noted that attachments to ex or past relationships do not just fade away. It takes approximately 4.18 years, which is the estimated mid-point for relinquishing or letting go of a relationship. Around 58% of participants reported moving on to a new relationship, but this did not significantly help them get over their ex faster.
Another study published in PNAS documented self-reports of 332 couples and demonstrated that every person has a “type.” Researchers suggested that people are drawn to specific types of personalities or environments that make them likely to date similar people repeatedly. If this is the case, the woman is likely to suffer from her boyfriend’s relationship with his friend, because if he is still with her, it means he hasn’t moved on and is likely to do the same thing he did with his previous partners, as some Reddit readers also suggested.
What is Reddit saying?
u/Fragrant_Surprise928, for instance, said, “Seriously, why are you staying with him? I’d just break up, tell him to be with her, and focus on myself. You deserve someone who is 100% about you, not someone with their foot halfway out the door.” u/tinaismediocre remarked, “Men who love their partners don't write other women love letters. Your man does not care about you and is waiting for his ‘best friend’ to be ready to date him. Go find yourself a man whose heart isn’t already spoken for.”
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