Woman shares eight 'unspoken rules' of marriage that have made her 13-year-long relationship work

Every relationship is different. The circumstances are varied, people in it are unique, and therefore, one rulebook might not cut it for everyone. But, people might find themselves stuck in their relationship at a point where they want to make it work but don't know how. They might not understand what exactly they are doing wrong and what areas need improvement if they want their relationship to survive. If you want some guidance about how to navigate the rough spots, then Courtney—who goes by the username @wellwithcourtney on TikTok—has some helpful tips for you. Courtney shares with people things she and her partner have done in their more than a decade-long relationship, which has given them a healthy and stable foundation.

In all the "unspoken rules," Courtney emphasizes the importance of communication. Better Help agrees with this assertion as well. In a relationship, it is necessary that partners are open with each other and can talk about anything. Her first rule is, "We don't hold grudges." She asks people not to get stuck on a particular issue. The mantra that she follows is "Make out and move on." Humans make mistakes and rather than keeping tabs, it is healthy to have a conversation about it and move on. In her opinion, both partners would need to lean on each other and therefore, the relationship should be a safe space rather than a pool of judgment. 

The second rule she talks about is, "Sometimes, we go to bed angry." Courtney and her partner do not believe in controlling emotions. Just because it is nighttime does not mean people should switch off their feelings. If they are tired, they go to sleep and then have a mature conversation in the morning. In this way, people can address all the topics without being burdened by exhaustion or a compulsion to discuss something before they're ready to. There is no hurry to handle everything at that moment. People can take their time with everything.

The third thing she and her husband try to incorporate into their marriage is, "We acknowledge when we've done something wrong." In relationships, there is a tendency between partners to take each other for granted. Courtney opposes that. She believes that if anybody has been hurt they deserve an apology. It is crucial that partners can accept mistakes from each other. Otherwise, it might lead to suppressed anger. The couple, when they realize they have messed up, stop everything to genuinely apologize for their hurtful words or actions.

The next one on the list was a bit controversial, as Courtney declared, "We share bank accounts." Many people prefer to keep their personal finances on the down-low with their partner, but Courtney does not adhere to that. In her opinion, if people truly want to be a single unit all the cards should be on the table. People should not hold back on anything, including money. There is no secrecy regarding the expenses. The partners must share expenses to run the household. It helps to build rapport and trust between the partners. The proof that both the people in the relationship are working towards the same goal, money-wise, helps a lot in the long run.

The fifth rule, Courtney shares, is that in her relationship, "We are equal." In her opinion, there should be equity in terms of responsibilities. Though the couple does not keep count on who buys what and who does what, they ensure that everything is equally distributed. There is also no division of responsibility. Some days, Courtney does certain things, while on other days, those things are done by her husband. It ensures that no one is being overburdened.

In the sixth rule, Courtney asks couples to "stick up for each other." She suggests people in relationships never air out their problems in front of others. Both individuals must work towards maintaining each other's respect and dignity in public. No matter what issues they might have, they must be talked about in a private space. Bringing their partner down in front of friends makes the relationship everybody's business, which it is not.

Courtney extends the same rule for families. She mentions her seventh rule "We never talk sh*t about each other, to our friends or family in a malicious way." If people want to vent, they definitely can approach family, but demeaning one's partner is not the way to go. It is crucial that even when there are problems, people do not try to bring down their partners in front of their family members. It can cause a breakdown of trust. It can make the partner feel they can't be open to you about anything, as everything will go back to their families.

Her next suggestion was, "Learn each other's love language." People in relationships have different preferences and both partners must be aware of what the other wants. In her relationship, Courtney understood early on that she and her partner's love language was different. They both acknowledged that "we needed to show up differently. In order to make each other feel very loved and seen." It changed the game for them and they are now more in love than ever.

The last tip was, "We put our marriage above everything else." She asks couples to always prioritize their marriage above everything. It should be more important than family, work or friends. People mustn't disregard their marriage for the sake of other relationships. Their partner should know that they are important and not feel sidelined. Courtney shares that for their relationship, they always remember, "We are the main unit, and we choose to just prioritize us over everything else."

The comment section found the rules very helpful and shared their own takes. @therapygirljt agreed with everything, "I am a licensed couples therapist with over 15 years of experience and this is good!" @abbymthom is ready to use it in the future, "I get married in 2 days! Thank you for this!!!"