She highlights that men will not understand the amount of effort and time it takes to completely change your last name.
Many women often find themselves in an orthodox tradition of changing their last name to their husband's after marriage. For them, it is a way to feel connected to their partner for life. However, one newlywed got very candid about the difficulties a woman has to go through to change her last name, something most men don't realize. Delanie Kristek—who goes by @chiknnuggiesinmytummy on TikTok—is speaking about this lengthy process openly. "Men in heterosexual marriages will never understand the mental load and time investment of changing your last name," Kristek says in a now-viral TikTok video that has over 1 million views.
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She then goes on to discuss the "mental load" involved in changing your name after marriage. "Holy cow," she said, "I'm in the process of changing my last name right now. All I've changed is my [social security] and now I'm on to the point where I'm changing my driver's license. So, I'm in the very beginning stages. I even have one of those NewlyNamed boxes. But even with the exact instructions, this is just incredibly time-consuming."
Kristek goes on to criticize everything on the government website, which she describes as "trash." Another struggle is that she can no longer show up to the DPS [what Texas calls the DMV] and instead has to make an appointment. "I go to schedule an appointment with all the DPSs near me, in DFW? There's no opening until January 2024. Guess what? I have a flight in December 2023. The name on my ticket is my new last name," she says. She ended up scheduling an appointment at a DPS over 40 minutes away.
"And then, at that point, I've only changed my social and driver's license. I've still got to change my insurance cards, I've gotta change my bank accounts, I've gotta change my passport, Global Entry, which means I'm going to have to go to the airport," she said. She continues to list the numerous places she needs to change her name, including with multiple doctors like primary care physicians, gynecologists and even therapists.
"There's so many places where my name appears, and now I'm gonna have to go change it. The mental load that it is taking on me...every time I see my name, I'm like, 'Oh my god, that's another place I'm going to have to change my name,'" she said, exasperated. "I know it's not forced upon me, but I want to. I want to change my name. But holy cow, the process? Hetero men will never know," Kristek concluded.
In an interview with BuzzFeed, Kristek revealed she wanted to change her last name soon after getting engaged to her partner. She also hopes her video will bring more awareness to the subject. "While in the past I think many hetero men have not understood this, I hope this TikTok has shed some light to hetero men so that they can better understand," she said. She hopes that this will make them more understanding of the issue, adding, "I think hetero men should make an effort to understand and help their partner during the process where they can. Whether that's helping directly in the name-change process or even taking on a different task that maybe their wife typically managed, in turn, freeing their wife up with some time and brain space to go through this name-change process."