Woman shares how a small gesture could help with curing loneliness, sparks debate

Have you ever considered the profound impact of a simple hug? Elle Beecher did, and she's been using hugs to combat loneliness. It began after she heard Dr. Alok Kanojia on a podcast discussing male loneliness and how some men can go months without a hug. Inspired, Beecher decided to hug attendees at her events, aiming to make a positive difference in their lives.

Beecher wrote on X, “I heard something on a podcast that shifted my reality: Some men go months without being hugged.” She then shared that she heard the guest say, “Men can’t solve loneliness, touch starvation, or isolation on their own. Unless everyone who’s listening to this goes out and hugs a man, no one will.” She said that the moment she heard this, she decided to hug as many people as possible at the weekly event she hosts.

The woman also spoke about what she does when she feels “subtle resistance” when she meets them for the first time. She revealed, “You know that flickering moment when your gut whispers ‘I don’t want to hug this person’ and you shake their hand instead? Or avoid contact entirely? I push past that moment of resistance and try to greet them like a good friend. Because if I have such an open heart and spirit, and even I don’t want to hug this person… who will?”

She went on to say that she doesn’t know if she’s making a difference with these small gestures but she feels at rest thinking that the men in her space didn’t go months without a hug. “Which seriously made me tear up when I first heard it,” Beecher wrote. She said that we all talk about the loneliness crisis so “what if we all decided to play a role in making small seconds long gestures towards a kinder and more connected world? It can be as simple as hugging people more freely,” Beecher expressed.

People in the comments loved Beecher's idea but some also shared their inhibitions. @nicolebehnam wrote, "I love this!" @divya_venn commented, "Okay, I had the exact attitude as you but I learned the hard way that you have to be very careful about becoming someone's emotional crutch. It doesn't do them or you or your friendship any favors." @itspeternazario expressed, "Hug the homies and tell them you love them! Watch how both of your energies shift for the better." @artemisconsort said, "I think this is a terrible idea. Those instincts are there to protect you, and you don’t owe anyone physical touch. Don’t buy into their horrible entitled arguments."

In a follow-up tweet, Beecher wrote about the insults she faced after posting the last tweet. "They say I have no survival instincts and am foolish for ignoring my intuition, that I 'will be violated' for hugging men (at the weekly walk I host at 8 AM surrounded by 50+ good people), and that I am a 'pick me' who’s doing emotional labor for hugging men because they can just hug each other instead." She went on to state that she wrote the tweet right before bed and never expected it to take off. She explained, "I am going to focus on comments that accused me of putting women in danger for suggesting that they should hug stranger men. The most interesting thing about this: I never said it."

Beecher suggested that people should re-read her tweet. She clarified that she never used the word "women" or said that women should hug "strange men." "Yet, because I am a woman who wrote about my personal decision to hug 'as many people as possible' at my weekly community walk (@theboardtalks) for the last few months, people invented this claim and then started insulting me for it," she pointed out.

Beecher questioned whether people would have responded the same way if they didn't know she was a woman. She wrote, "No one would’ve created the story that I am putting women in danger for suggesting they should hug stranger men. If people couldn’t see that I am a woman, there's a low chance they’d take my paragraph about feeling 'subtle resistance' to mean a 'woman’s intuition signaling danger' and assume these men are predators. When in reality, the men I am talking about are just socially awkward and/or visibly anxious at a new event. I am not hugging men who make me feel unsafe. And I never would."

She ended by writing that a few people know who she is, about her work and her values, and that she comes from a place of love. She defended herself by saying she was trying to invite people to consider small acts of kindness. "Especially for men in our lives who may be struggling more than we realize," she said. "If one person hugs a man or shows up in the world with more compassion because of my tweet, we all win. Thank you for reading."