Woman reveals why she won't live in a house gifted by her father-in-law and finds support online

Making a marriage work depends a lot on the couple but at the same time, it involves dealing with each other's families and navigating differences. Despite making all the efforts, some disagreements just can't be resolved and at times it becomes important to put one's foot down and say no. A Reddit user known as u/ca77ywumpus found herself in a similar situation where her seemingly generous father-in-law decided to buy a house for his son and his family. But the woman stood up for herself to tell her father-in-law the real reason behind her not wanting to live in that particular house. She wondered if she was wrong for making such a decision and turned to the online community for advice.

She started the post by describing how her father-in-law can be a generous man, but most of the time, he doesn't consider the needs and wants of others around him. The woman adds that she and her husband have been living with her brother-in-law, and so when a house in the neighborhood went up for sale, the father-in-law decided to buy it for the couple. Both the father-in-law and her husband's names were on the deed, which meant that they would pay for taxes and utilities, and her husband would inherit the house after his father. But things started getting complicated from that point.

"The house needs a lot of work. Originally, my husband and I were going to be responsible for improvements and repairs, so I started meeting with contractors and getting estimates for the work. My husband doesn't know much about home repair or renovation and I do, so he's been letting me handle all of the work with the contractors," the post continued. The woman mentioned how her husband had to carry messages from his father to his wife because his father wouldn't directly consult her about anything. "The final straw came today when my husband relayed to me that his dad has said that any permanent changes to the house that cost more than $5,000 have to be approved by him," the woman wrote.

The father-in-law wanted to impose his opinions and ideas in everything related to the house, including the colors of tiles and light fixtures. "He will own the house and we will sign a rental lease when the work is done. He'll have to pass city inspections for rental units and abide by all state and local rental laws. Now, he's mad and I'm ungrateful, selfish and controlling. At this point, I don't even want the house anymore. I'm ready to take the cat and stay with my brother, but I don't want to leave my husband. I'm just sick of catering to his dad's whims," she shared.

In the end, she concluded that she initially did not have any thoughts about making any modifications to the house without her father-in-law's approval. However, they had already discussed it and her father-in-law showed them the green flag, telling the couple to go ahead, find a contractor, and work on the house. But things got messy when he flipped on his own rules and went back on his word. The woman consulted her mother-in-law, who was divorced from the father-in-law and she told her not to "put a single cent into a home unless they have a legal stake in it." The Reddit community expressed their thoughts on this matter as well.

u/BaxtertheBear1123 remarked, "Sounds like your FIL is using this 'gift' as a way to control you. If it was truly a gift, he would either be allowing you guys to get on with the renovations or he would be handling them himself. He would also not be refusing to talk to you about it, which is just bizarre behavior and he wouldn't be requesting the final say down to the minutest detail. It's a trap!" u/hubby_weed_eats suggested, "He's already trying to use the house as a vehicle to control you and your hubby. Run. Also, if your name is not on the deed, do not spend a dime of your money on improving the house." u/celticmusebooks added, "If your name isn't on the deed, tell your husband no marital assets are going toward that house. Walk away and let him figure out how to fix up the house and he can rent it out."