Relationships can work smoothly only if both parties have the same goals and wishes in life. There's bound to be conflict if expectations don't align.
Relationships are a two-way street. You get how much you receive, despite what books and movies would have you believe. That said, love languages are very important too. If you aren't loved the way you need to be, the efforts might as well go to waste. Recently, a story was shared on Reddit of how a man expected his girlfriend to pay his rent and got upset when she said she wouldn't because he had still not asked her to get married.
The man starts his story by saying that he lost his job about four months ago and that his EI didn't cover all his living expenses. He also needed to buy a car since he had a major engine issue and over 330,000 km on it. Despite a few thousand dollars that he had saved, he hadn't been able to cover all his expenses. Hence, he asked his girlfriend if she could help him with rent. To his surprise, she denied it, saying that he hadn't proposed to her yet. That's when the man goes on to give us more context.
He and his girlfriend had been together for three years, two of which they had been living together. He said, "She had told me three dates in, that she expected to be engaged in about two years of dating and is very unhappy with me because I didn’t propose." That said, the girlfriend's disappointment is quite valid. Anyone would be upset about this if they'd been clear about their intentions, goals and feelings. He further added, "I’m sure she is the one, I’m just still hesitant about marriage." On hearing this, the girl told him that she felt like she had wasted the last three years of her life. However, after being asked not to push the boyfriend, the girlfriend obliged. However, all of this happened before the man lost his job.
According to the girlfriend, the man is expecting too much out of her, keeping in mind that he isn't ready for marriage. The man defended himself, saying, "We have been dating for three years, doesn’t that count for something? If it was a year in I understand if it was too early, but we have been together for a long time." The woman, however, feels like it's all meaningless. The fact that the guy couldn't decide whether or not he wanted a marriage makes her feel like he wants to be able to bail out whenever.
Contradictory to that, the man thinks that if he were going to bail, he would have and that an engagement wouldn't change that. He exclaims, "We have been serious for a long time, why is the ring and marriage all that matters?" Now, the boyfriend got upset too and told his girl that her response to his needing some rent money had made him feel like she wasn't serious either. She suggested that he could go back and live with his family if he couldn't afford this. However, he's baffled over how his girlfriend reacted to "covering a bit more rent and groceries." The internet didn't agree with the man's point of view, though.
u/suffragette_citizen said, "YTA - well, well, well, how the turn tables! She told you her terms for a more committed relationship and you've refused them. She has continued your relationship but has adjusted her expectations and contributions accordingly. Why should she change them because suddenly, you need the benefits of a more committed relationship but aren't willing to actually make the commitment? This is the epitome of expecting 'wife duties for girlfriend wages'." u/Ok_Register3005 said, "YTA. Your expenses are your responsibility. Four months is plenty of time to find a job. She wants a partner and you want to be a mooch. You're threatening to end the relationship because she won't pull your weight too. It's clear who is invested and it's not you."