Woman refuses to do the 'domestic labor' of cleaning and cooking for husband, sparking debate

The patriarchy expects unpaid domestic labor from women of all ages. It is considered their duty to look after a household, take care of kids and cook and clean for their family. The burden is overwhelming. A woman named Paige Turner—who goes by @sheisapaigeturner on TikTok—made a radical decision not to comply with these traditional patriarchal roles. In one of her recent videos, the mom of four revealed how she does not cook and clean for her husband. While many supported her decision, some were surprised that she was refusing to do the duties of a "good wife."

Turner shared that her mother-in-law gave her a piece of marriage advice: to not do her husband's laundry. Her reasoning behind it was that Turner would eventually end up hating her husband for not doing his own laundry. Initially, she felt like her mother-in-law was just being bitter but now she is extending the same advice to other married women. "When we take on domestic labor as an act of kindness towards our partners, oftentimes it sets an expectation that the labor is ours. It is important that we do not take on all this domestic labor early marriage because it sets an expectation that we will continue to do so," she adds in the caption.

"This is how domestic labor goes from equal to unequal very quickly," Turner explains. "Women are trying to show our love for our partner by doing these things for them but when men do it, it's a romantic gesture. It is a one-time favor. It is something that we are expected to look forward to and be thankful for. But when a woman does it, it sets an expectation that it is now her job. It is assumed that housework is her job through societal norms." So, Turner follows her mother-in-law's advice and lets her husband do his share of work.

"We need to be very careful not to set expectations that it is our job as women to do everything for everyone," she concludes. The TikTok users had their own opinions on whether a woman should do all the housework or not and how it defines the image of a perfect wife in society. @badkarma7379 wrote, "My mom told me when I was about 11, that if I was looking for a woman to cook, clean or do my laundry, I should hire a housekeeper cause it's cheaper than divorce." @bagel.ish commented, "A small act of kindness is moving his laundry to the dryer when you notice it's done in the wash, not the entire process."

@majinbadman remarked, "What you're essentially saying is never do any acts of kindness for your partner. if you are in a healthy relationship, your man should be doing these things with you or for you and not expecting it from you." Turner made a second video to respond to this comment where she spoke about how the relationship dynamic of her marriage works. Turner doesn't do her husband's laundry but she does her laundry and they do their children's laundry together.

While Turner's husband cooks dinner all the time, she takes responsibility for making breakfast and lunch. "I don't pack him a lunch. If he's hungry, he'll figure out what he's going to eat for lunch the same way I do," she continued. "I don't make his doctor's appointments because, guess what, he's not making mine. Would it be kind of me to do that? For sure. Is it my job? Absolutely not. All of these are things that he's a grown man and can do himself."

Turner elaborates that she isn't going to uphold these outdated notions that she as a wife should be the keeper of the household and that her husband is perfectly capable of managing his tasks. "I see a vinyl that I think he's going to like because he's creating a vinyl collection, I buy it," she elaborates. "I'm at the store, and I see something that I think he might enjoy eating, I buy it. If I find a new non-alcoholic beer that he wants to try out, I buy it." Turner concluded that these are the real acts of kindness she shows to her husband and not by doing all the housework.

You can follow Paige Turner (@sheisapaigeturner) on TikTok for more videos on parenting and career.