Woman writes letter asking future husband to be thankful to her late ex

Grief and love often overlap in ways that are hard to separate, and studies show that losing someone close can activate the brain’s reward centers, revealing how deeply attachment and mourning are connected. For Lauren, the death of her ex-boyfriend, Brian, forced her to confront both emotions at once. Brian passed away unexpectedly at 29, just weeks after sending her a message that she still reads when she needs encouragement. The two had long since ended their romantic relationship, but the bond between them had never completely faded.  In a Reddit post under the username u/The_Unsealed, she shared a letter she once wrote to her future partner, asking him to be grateful to the man who came before him.

Before meeting her fiancé, Lauren penned a letter titled "To my next love," hoping her future partner would understand the role Brian played in preparing her for a lasting relationship. She began by writing, "I don’t know who you are or if we have met yet or when we will decide to be together, but I do know my ex-boyfriend Brian wanted me to be with you." She acknowledged how unusual it might seem to bring up a former boyfriend in a letter to a future partner, but insisted Brian was different. "In this case, you should not only want to know about him, but you should also be grateful to him," she wrote. Lauren described how Brian once surprised her with roses on Valentine's Day, even after she declined a date to work on a script. "From the very beginning, Brian found thoughtful ways to make me happy. These days, memories like that one are hard for me to share," she wrote.

She went on to recount a powerful conversation the two had just three weeks before Brian’s death. "He said, 'Lauren, I loved you how you are meant to be loved. I treated you how you deserve to be treated. I did that on purpose,'" Lauren wrote. Then, with unmistakable seriousness, he asked her to make a promise to never settle for less than what she deserved. "Some days, that promise haunts me. Brian set the bar very high, making it feel hard to honor," she wrote. The letter details not only what Lauren learned about love but also how Brian’s support helped her find purpose. "You’re a great girl with a great heart, super talented, beautiful, and really hard working. Big or small, you will make a difference," he once wrote to her. Lauren eventually founded The Unsealed, a platform that helps others find strength through writing. In her post, she said Brian had once been her editor and cameraman. 

His belief in her work helped her believe in herself. The letter also includes excerpts from messages Brian had written years earlier, where he reflected on how their relationship had changed him. "You showed me a part of myself that I didn’t know existed. You made me realize that… I want to be a boyfriend and a husband and a father and that I want to be great at it," he told her. Through all these memories, Brian taught her what love should feel like, and she would not settle for less. Her future husband, she said, would benefit from those lessons. "You will be someone who loves me how I am meant to be loved and someone who treats me how I deserve to be treated. That’s why I will keep my promise to Brian. I will wait to find you," she wrote.