A secret note tucked behind her boyfriend's cabinet led her to a 'warning' from his ex. One detail made her move out in seconds
Natalia, his ex-girlfriend, left a warning note for Steve's future partner, hoping she would leave him the way she did five years ago
A pile of old socks, a messy cabinet, or a cluttered couch might not sound like relationship deal-breakers, but they can certainly lead to arguments and conflicts. On August 27, 2024, a 28-year-old woman (u/throwra-ex-note) shared how a mysterious note about her boyfriend Steve’s messy cleaning habits from his ex-girlfriend ultimately led to their breakup. To date, her post has received over 7,000 upvotes on Reddit.
My (28f) boyfriend’s (30M) ex hid a note about his cleaning/dating habits right before they broke up that I just found. How do I talk to him about cleaning habits without him feeling like I’m using his ex’s words against him?
by u/ThrowRA-ex-note in relationship_advice
A buried warning
The woman and her 30-year-old boyfriend had been dating for two years and had recently moved in together only eight months ago. The other day, while cleaning the apartment, she stumbled upon a note in the back of a cabinet. The letter was written by Steve’s ex-girlfriend, whom she referred to as Natalia. Well, the ex-girlfriend had apparently left the note there, hoping Steve's future partner would read it and leave him the way she did five years ago. It contained a warning that her boyfriend had bad hygiene habits and was an incompetent man. “He will not clean. He will not listen. He will make everything feel like it’s your fault. It’s not your fault; he’s just an incompetent man. I’m leaving him; I suggest you do the same,” the letter read.
Upon reading the letter, the woman realized that Natalia was indeed right. In fact, since she had moved in with Steve, he hadn't engaged much in cleaning their house. Confused, the woman confronted her boyfriend, and before she knew it, the conversation turned into an argument. "He told me that it wasn’t a problem before the note; this is just his ex continuing to manipulate and ruin his life, and I was letting it work," she recalled.
The deal breaker
The woman was so frustrated that she stayed at a friend's place that night. Steve had been a wonderful partner throughout, but the note made her realize that Natalia was honest about his cleaning habits. In fact, she also recalled how, at times, she had to remind him to put his plates in the sink or take out the trash. However, keeping her thoughts aside, the woman apologized to her boyfriend for the fight, but things only went downhill. "He seemed to take that as an admission of guilt and refused to listen to anything else. I had come up with a list of specific instances of not cleaning... and he said I was using lists just like his manipulative ex did," she recalled. And that's when the woman decided to end her relationship. Surprisingly, after the breakup, Natalia reached out to her, saying Steve had called her to accuse her of ruining his life. "The fact that she blocked him and he still had her number memorized just further confirms he was the crazy ex, not her," she confessed.
Biggest turn-offs
Just as in the case of Natalia and Steve's other ex-girlfriend, studies have shown that something as simple as cleanliness and personal hygiene can affect a relationship. In fact, according to a study published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, bad hygiene habits are the biggest relationship turn-off for most people. Another survey by CouponCabin.com among 2,415 American adults also revealed a similar pattern. A majority of respondents (84%) agreed that poor hygiene, such as body odor, bad teeth, and dirty hair, is the biggest dealbreaker that ultimately ends a romantic relationship.
Netizens side with Natalia
Meanwhile, reacting to the Reddit story, u/tbIandimpaired suggested, "When you leave, please put your own note to warn the next poor girl." Similarly, u/sad-imagination-4870 remarked, "Girls looking out for other girls is top tier for me. I’m so glad you figured this out before any more time is wasted. I would be buying his ex- girlfriend her coffee whenever y'all meet up. Good luck with your fresh start!"
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