Woman was always there for her friends until she found an Excel sheet ranking who should be cut from the group — and she was dead last
'I'm going to get my doctorate before I have a real friend.'
Friendships are rarely equal in closeness, but discovering exactly where you rank in someone else’s life can still sting. u/brielarstan was an extroverted, neurodivergent woman (ADHD and OCD) who was easily exhausted by normal social interactions. But she always tried to be there for her friends when they needed her. She listened to them vent, got them through rough times, but it was never reciprocated. One day, she discovered an Excel sheet her friend had made. She ranked all her friends. When the author spotted her name, she couldn't believe the number she was on. The post was shared on September 14, and it had 1,200 upvotes and 226 comments.
One-sided friendship
The author admitted that she had trouble maintaining friendships throughout her life. She had a big personality and had to often tone it down to fit in with everyone. But her friends would always come to her when they needed a listening ear. Back in college, she took care of her best friend who was struggling so much that she sometimes couldn’t get out of bed. She did her laundry, let her be as messy and as emotional as she needed to be. But when she got better, she went on trips and parties, and the author was never invited. They were both in a sorority at the time, and when she asked her friend why she was never invited, she responded, "Oh, I didn't know you were into that stuff."
Same pattern
This pattern followed the author into adulthood. She recently found out that one of her friends made an Excel spreadsheet listing all her friends. The purpose? "It was to decide who to cut from her life." The author saw her name at the bottom of the list. When she asked her why? Her reason was that the author was judgemental. All she did was advise her friend on cutting out her boyfriend with a d--- problem after he threw a party at her house while she was away. The same friend drunkenly confessed and made fun of her "nerdy hobby" with another friend.
Ditched for a guy
The author said similar patterns appeared in several other friendships. One of her friends invited her to a party, but when she followed up and asked when it was. The friend ghosted her. She found out later that the friend took someone else to the party. She made lunch plans with another friend. Unfortunately, the restaurant closed early. When she texted her back to find another place, the friend had ditched her for a guy she met on Bumble. Another friend told her he'd let her know when he was in her city. On the last day of his trip, he asked her to meet him at 4 p.m., somewhere that was an hour away from where she was. Later on, she found out that he had been spending the last three days with all their mutual friends.
PhD before friends
She planned on renting a huge event room for her 30th birthday party. It was expensive, but she was ready to go all out. When she brought a friend to see the venue, the latter made a snide comment, "Wow, it'll be really big for five people." The author responded that there would be more than five people, but she was tired of dealing with how they treated her. Recently, the friend who ditched her for a date asked if she could come to her to vent about 'Bumble guy.' That was the last straw. She canceled her birthday party. She said she felt increasingly isolated, far away from her family. She concluded by writing, "I'm going to get my m------------ doctorate before I have a real friend."
No close friends
The number of friends someone has doesn't necessarily reflect how connected they feel to them. The American Friendship Project, which surveyed nationally representative samples of U.S. adults, found that more than three-quarters were satisfied with the number of friends they had. At the same time, more than 40% said they weren't as close to their friends as they wanted to be. That distinction mirrors what the Redditor was struggling with: she wasn't lacking people to call friends, but increasingly felt that those relationships weren't as reciprocal or close as she believed they were.
Find nerdy friends
Netizens flooded the comment section with 'Happy Birthday' wishes, as well as several suggestions on how she could spend her birthday. u/Steviesgirl1 commented, "Happy Birthday brielarstan! Your faceless internet friends wish you only the best! Go make this year a great one with many magical surprises with no regrets." u/mivox wrote, "Happy 30th! Spend your birthday party money booking a week’s vacation somewhere you’ve wanted to see. Post photos from your birthday trip all over the internet. If any of your s----- friends say anything about not being invited, tell them you didn’t know they were into that kind of thing."
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