Woman explains why single people are actually ‘single’ and it is resonating with many

A lot of people seem to have given up on the traditional ideas of dating and eventually settling down with a family. While many are doing it because of the poor economy, there could also be another reason why more people are voluntarily opting to be single. Stella Scholaja–who goes by @stellascholaja on TikTok–had a few interesting insights to share in one of her latest videos. The video has gone viral with 7.6 million views and 12.3K comments on the platform.

Scholaja starts the video by suggesting that people who do not get attracted to others and have lost interest in dating could be a result of "hyper independence." She came across the term while browsing TikTok and it got her wondering about how she was dealing with attraction currently. The creator shares how she would look at some men and think they were cute or attractive, but then she would lose interest in them. While experiencing some attraction to men, she would also keep questioning her own choice.

Scholaja watched a video of a psychologist on TikTok, who seemed to suggest that hyper-independence came as a result of individuals having to take control for most of their lives. She explains, "You always were just dependent on yourself and people would just hurt you in relationships and use you." Scholaja does not remember the exact details that the psychologist shared in her video, but she did relate to the situation very much. Any time someone did something for her, she would always suspect that they had an ulterior motive behind their actions.

If a guy wanted to date her, she would reason that it was only because he didn't know her too well and even if he did, he would not want any part of it. She concluded by stating how she would keep questioning if she could actually relax with a guy. It would lead to her wondering if she was attracted to him in the first place and that she was, perhaps, hyper-independent. Viewers found her insights very interesting and shared their thoughts on choosing to be single in the comments section.

@the.bean.s provided a reality check, saying, "The quality of men has pushed us to prefer hyper-independence." Another individual, @emily.r.edson, was a bit confused, commenting, "My toxic trait is wondering if I'm hyper-independent or have really high standards." @jaelros highlighted, "I think women are learning they don't have to settle and would rather have peace than disappointment." @heavenlypetportraits expressed, "We stopped asking if they liked us and started asking if we like them. And no, no, we don’t."

Women also tend to forget that society has conditioned them to believe they have to find a partner and settle down to lead a happy life. Mexico-based artist Idalia Candelas wanted to challenge this notion a few years back with her art series on "Postmodern Loneliness," showcasing women who were happy to live alone. Candelas spoke to Mic, saying, "Even though people try to avoid [it] [out of] fear, being in that situation is increasingly common in our society. I like to show women who exist in solitude but do not suffer. They are not depressed or crying. Rather [they] are safe, exalting in the sense of enjoying the company of just herself."

You can follow Stella Scholaja (@stellascholaja) for more relationship content on TikTok. Also, you can follow her on Instagram and listen to her song "No You Don't" here.

This article originally appeared on 2.23.24.