Woman explains why patriarchy is like a man having his boot on a woman's neck — and it's spot-on

Patriarchy is the elephant in the room that has fueled endless debates about gender equality. Since the days when men worked as hunters while women managed households, male dominance has remained a defining force in society. And while women today are breaking barriers and making strides, patriarchal culture persists, lurking beneath the surface in homes and workplaces. A viral video by @.j.y.n.x.x.x on TikTok has done a beautiful job of illustrating the concept of patriarchy by using the words of renowned feminist LeAndra Lee Baker and many women say she hit the nail on the head with the analogy. The clip has amassed over two million views.

The viral voice note explores the meaning of patriarchy, using a powerful metaphor from Lee Baker—an intersectional feminist speaker, Black feminist mother, and educator dedicated to empowering women through financial independence and free thought. The words shared in the video were originally shared by Lee Baker in a Medium post titled “Patriarchy is a boot on the neck.”

Her message uses the metaphor of a "boot" to vividly illustrate a man exerting control and suppressing a woman's power. “Patriarchy is like a man, having his boot on a woman’s neck. Feminism is a woman complaining about the boot,” she explains. She goes on to say that many women have remained silent about this oppressive force for far too long. “Conservatives insist there wasn’t a problem with the boot being on the neck until the woman started talking about it. If she would just be quiet about the boot, there wouldn’t be a problem. Male allies think there’s a way to talk about the boot being on the neck that appeals to everyone and doesn’t ‘alienate’ those that would help remove the boot.”

Lee Baker explains that both so-called “good men” and the women being suppressed often support the boot on the neck out of fear, choosing to stay silent. “'Good Guys’ insist that not all men wear boots. Women with internalized misogyny insist they have a boot on their neck by choice and they love it! They insist something is wrong with women complaining about the boot. The boot is never removed from the neck.”

According to the video, Lee Baker’s viral message was narrated by a TikTok user named @staticjones. However, a later video by @mxdomestic revealed that the user was actually @christopherjones, who has since deleted his account. The woman appearing as the model in the video was Suzie (@sdaytherapy), an emotional eating therapist, as she confirmed in a comment.

The brilliant video compilation acted as a rallying cry where thousands of women jumped in to share their thoughts and experiences. “When you explain it in the simplest terms possible and they still don’t get it. If you can only believe in something when it directly affects you,” said @kaitlyn. @donovanmaldonado0 added, “This is the best example ever!” Others were quick to point out where the “good guys” fall when it comes to matriarchy. “I get all of it. I completely agree. But where does matriarchy stand?” questioned @fullofliesmax. @colin shared, “I agree with the message, but why is it that the males who fall into the category of male allies are still demonized?”

You can follow @.j.y.n.x.x.x and Suzie (@sdaytherapy) on TikTok for more lifestyle content. You can also follow LeAndra Lee Baker's work on feminism via Medium.