Woman explains why it is better to have absent fathers than inconsistent ones: 'I was just a zombie'

People often say that we should be grateful for whatever capacity our parents hold because it is better than not having them in our lives. However, many people who have grown up with both scenarios have different opinions to share. Mariah—who goes by @_c_mariah on TikTok—explains why having an absent father is way better than having an inconsistent father and many people agree with her. Mariah shared that she felt qualified to talk about the same since she experiences both spectrums and undoubtedly believes the years of having an inconsistent father as the “most traumatic” years of her life. She said, “Those were the most stressful years of my life as a child and no child should be stressed."

She further shared that she had father wounds due to him being inconsistent and absent and it became a relevant thing for her to work on during her years of therapy. “I thought it would work through years of not having a father but the thing that I didn’t realize is how much those years of inconsistency impacted me,” she explained. The woman elaborated further by saying that her father’s inconsistency in her life caused her to completely withdraw from any social life whatsoever. “I wasn’t talking with anybody in class, making friends, I wasn’t doing any of my school work, I was just a zombie,” Mariah said.

She added that it was only when her father left and became absent in her life that she began to get back on track again. She also revealed that her father’s inconsistency was the reason she withdrew which caused her to be held back for a whole year in school. “But once he was absent from my life, I actually skipped a grade. Turns out, I was extremely intelligent,” Mariah remarked. She revealed that a lot of things began to unfold for the better when her father was absent than when he had been inconsistently present. “Turns out I have a happy personality, turns out people in school liked being around me and turns out my teachers enjoyed having me in class,” she said. She pointed out that having the abrupt parenting from her father out of her life helped her move on and excel.

“I started participating in sports and extracurriculars, I was the first after my parents to graduate high school, I got my college scholarship and I studied social justice in political science,” she highlighted. Sharing a concluding message for moms, Mariah said, “If there are any moms out there wondering whether the absence is better or inconsistency, in my situation, the absence was 100% better.” People appreciated the honest experience Mariah shared and many even related to her bits of advice. @wellieno said, “To be honest, absence is reliable, you can be sure there would be no intrusion.” @nicoledee10 said, "The inconsistencies make it hard to manage interpersonal relationships.” @atribecalleparents said, “As a single mom and teacher, I agree. Children with inconsistent parents suffer.”