Woman considers ending relationship when boyfriend picks new boat over helping with debt

Imagine being in a decade-long relationship, burdened by debt, and then having to decide whether to keep supporting your partner or move on. That’s the dilemma u/cldumas is facing, a situation that might resonate with many. "I own the house we live in. Due to unemployment, he stopped contributing to the bills over five years ago. For the past three years, he's been back to work, paid off all his debt, and now only covers his car insurance and our cell phone bill," she shared in her post.

She further added, "I've asked him a dozen times to start contributing and it always turns into a fight. He tells me if I need money, I should just ask for it, but I don't believe that's a good substitute for giving me a specific amount I can rely on every month for the bills. (I also do 95% of the grocery/household shopping). I've made bad decisions and buried myself in debt, trying to live a lifestyle that I should be able to afford if I wasn't supporting him."

The problem started when her boyfriend began thinking of buying a boat. "He wants to buy a boat. I'm about to take a $9k per year pay cut at work. He knows how much debt I have." Despite her efforts to manage their finances, she has found herself in $40,000 worth of debt, mainly due to trying to maintain a lifestyle that should be manageable if her partner were contributing fairly. Here's where it gets even more challenging. She is considering ending the relationship and selling the house to pay off her debt. "Decided I'm breaking up with him, selling the house to pay my bills, and walking away happy with probably $100k in my pocket (literally life-changing money)," she wrote.

In her updated post, she mentioned that she rented out a room to someone and raised her tenant's rent, though they still had a pretty decent deal for years to come. She added that she worked for USPS, which was going broke. Hence, the reason for her pay cut. Addressing her future plans, she wrote, "I am considering Instacart/DoorDash once it does hit. It just doesn't seem fair that I have to work two jobs while he sat on his ass for two years."

While talking about selling her house, she said, "I get it. A house is an investment. But I don't really see any other way of getting out of this debt. I don't want the hassle of trying to rent the whole thing out to someone and pay for an apartment myself. I don't want to have to maintain it. It's way too big for me." About her boyfriend, she said, "He already has a boat. A 'cheap' boat, if there is such a thing. He wants a nice new boat so he doesn't have to keep putting money into the one he's got."

She asked the community whether to end a ten-year relationship over these issues or have a serious talk with her boyfriend one more time. People in the comments shared their thoughts. "Ask him for $40,000 and point out that this is less than you've spent on him while he wasn't working. You are underreacting by taking this long to dump this loser. You've protected him for years and he places no value on paying off your debts. He's a committed freeloader," commented u/Alert-Artichoke-2743.

"You shouldn't have to ask him to carry his weight. He should be putting money in savings for the two of you since you supported him and spent money you could have saved for retirement. Why would you sell the house you own and paid for unless he's on the deed/mortgage? Just kick him out, even if you have to evict him." wrote u/Spinnerofyarn.