According to her, setting boundaries can save you from multiple uncomfortable situations.
Setting boundaries with people, even those who are close to you, can prove to be a very tedious task. Often people get too personal and say or do uncomfortable things that can affect us in various ways. However, various mental health experts recommend having strict boundaries in such situations but this is often easier said than done. So, a 33-year-old TikTok user took the matter into her own hands when she started her series of sharing her favorite 40 boundary phrases.
Kami Orange started making videos teaching people how to keep themselves safe and establish boundaries in uncomfortable situations. One of the most popular videos has gathered over 1.6 million views and talks about using the phrase "Hmm, what an odd thing to say out loud" when someone says something offensive. She explains in her video, "Not all phrases are for all situations or for all people. In my experience working with majority white clients in the Midwest or Rocky Mountain area of the United States, about 70% of people when they're confronted with someone saying something racist, fatphobic, homophobic, just problematic in general, they just don't say anything because they don't know what to say."
Hence, using this phrase can prove beneficial so that the person knows they cannot make that particular offensive comment around you. In another video, she shares the boundary phrase "This is my area of expertise. I don’t need an explanation.." This is particularly for situations when somebody gives advice and an explanation of something that you already know. Several people agreed with her one TikTok user commenting, "Thank you so much for every single one of these posts! I actually used one of your phrases at work today."
Another added, "I’m suddenly obsessed with you. This is amazing."
Kami told Buzzfeed that she defines a boundary as "a communicated expression of what is okay and what is not okay." She explained, "I collect boundary phrases and currently have over 350 unique sentences. There are many ways to say something is not okay."
"There are many ways to say something is not okay. For example, if your coworker mentions your weight, you could say, 'Please don’t comment on my body,' or 'I’m not taking feedback about my body at this time,' or 'You don’t know me well enough to say something like that to me.' "
The most useful boundary expressions, according to her, will differ from person to person. "Different people are comfortable with different ways of phrasing their boundaries. I encourage my clients to use whatever sounds most natural to them," she said.
Kami also revealed that several people ask her for boundary phrases that won't offend the other person. "There’s no perfect way to say something to prevent other people from having feelings about it. My focus is on what I can control: communicating in the kindest and most direct way possible," she explained.
She wants everyone to establish boundaries and stop saying that they are bad at it. She added, "You’re new, uncomfortable, or need more support with your boundaries. When you say, 'I’m bad at boundaries,' it makes it harder to practice setting boundaries because humans don’t want to do stuff they’re 'bad' at!"