She wasn't too interested in talking about her work and some of his friends assumed she made less than him.
There's a long-standing stereotype of men earning more than their partner in a heterosexual relationship. It can be argued that this was the case for a long time, but mainly because women were denied opportunities and equal access to work and better-paing jobs. Despite considerable progress, it's no secret that men are still being paid more for doing the same jobs as women, reported CNBC. Men who earn less than their partners can be insecure about the wage gap. Similarly, women who are with seemingly wealthy partners are often branded gold-diggers. One woman didn't take too kindly when she was called a gold-digger by her partner's friends and revealed that she earned way more than him. She turned to Reddit to ask if she did the right thing by revealing the pay gap in front of her partner's friends.
"I'm in a relationship with a guy who also works in tech," she started. "He makes 68k and I make 130k. I am a mechanical engineer at a robotics startup. He works at a more stable job doing programming at a large company." The couple were hanging out at a party when their friends made an assumption that she didn't make as much as he did. "He brought me to meet his friends at a party and they asked me about myself. His friends mostly work in tech too and talked about themselves in terms of their jobs. I told them I'm a hiker, I do archery, I love road trips and camping and riding dirtbikes, etc. Basically talking about my hobbies because work is just a way to get paid to do the shit I love. It's not how I define myself and it doesn't come to mind when someone wants me to tell them about myself," she wrote.
When one of his friends asked her about work, she said it was the last thing she wanted to talk about after spending the whole day trying to replace a busted motor. "Oh gosh, I don't wanna talk about work at a party!" she said. "I wasn't lying or trying to downplay that I have a good job, that really is how I spent my day, and I wasn't in the mood to talk shop at a party!" she added. "Some other conversations came up casually that probably also made me seem poorer like me saying that car dealership repairs were a ripoff, and telling my boyfriend that my childhood neighbor's trailer caught on fire and I was gonna visit and help her out," she said. Some of them had assumed she was a car mechanic.
"I wasn't doing it on purpose, I was literally just talking about my life, but I guess I gave the impression I was poorer," she said. "It got later in the night, everyone was getting drunker, and some of his friends were making jokes about me growing up in a trailer and being a gold digger. And about being ready to jump to a richer guy. Really misogynistic sh*t honestly, since they don't even know me and seemed to just assume all girls are good diggers," she wrote.
"He didn't say anything. He later said it was because he was high at the time. Regardless I felt hurt he didn't say anything. I got irritated with his friends and asked, 'Now why the hell would you say that when I make twice what he does?' His friends went quiet for a second and I continued saying, 'There ain't no gold to dig here, not with him or anyone at this party. So do y'all think I'm cheap, or do y'all think I'm stupid?'"
Her insecure boyfriend said he felt humiliated. "My boyfriend wanted to leave the party shortly after and he was pretty upset with me for telling everyone I make twice what he does. I said I would have held my tongue if he'd checked his friends himself. "He said it was humiliating and now everyone thinks I'm a b*tch, and I flippantly said 'At least they know I'm a rich b*tch,'" she said. "He was angry I embarrassed him when I spoke up, I was angry I had to say anything at all because his friends were talking shit so it should be on him to check them."
Majority of Reddit users sided with her. "Yeah, but it's ok for her to be humiliated, but not him?!" questioned one person. "Why would it even be humiliating if your girlfriend makes more than you? It just is what it is! This is bullsh*t on so many levels," added another.