Woman adopts 2-year-old sister after mother fails to take care of her, sparking debate

People often have to draw boundaries with abusive family members, as instead of bringing happiness, they only bring melancholy and lifelong sadness. At a certain point in life, one needs to draw a line to stay away from them and be happy and content with what they have. Reddit user u/Far-Librarian-4999 also had to cut ties with her mother after it became hard for her to maintain the relationship. The 34-year-old recently connected with her mother but what she found came as a big shock.

"She had me when she was 17 and was addicted to various substances when I was growing up. She'd leave me with whoever would watch me for days on end and I'd end up mostly raising myself," the daughter wrote. She shared that she left home at 16 and couch-surfed with friends until she was able to afford her place. She met her husband when she was 25 and married him three years later. She added that her husband's family are loving and warm and she considers them as her parents.

She then shared how her mom reconnected with her last year and told her she had a 2-year-old sister. She wrote, "At first, it seemed like things had changed and she was trying. This illusion lasted for a few visits over six months, then she broke down, told me she couldn't do this, and asked me to take my sister." She spoke to her husband about it and as they had been struggling with fertility, they thought of adopting her sister. She informed her mother that it would be a legal adoption. It took them several months to adopt her baby sister. Her in-laws were also in support of them and considered the kid as their granddaughter. "They even set up a trust fund for her," she wrote.

The family allowed her mother to have one supervised visit every month so that she could meet her daughter. However, things didn't go as smoothly as they expected. During the visits, the mother realized that the kid was having expensive things, like dresses and toys, which meant that her older daughter had money. The mom got upset about why she had hidden this fact from her. "She began to rip into us for hiding the fact we have money and how if we'd just given her money, she'd have not given us my sister," the 34-year-old wrote. She told her mother they had money, but it was mostly her husband's parents and she had no right to know about it. Also, she wouldn't have given her money because she didn't trust her.

The mom broke down and called her daughter a "selfish b**ch" for not considering how hard things were for her. The daughter expressed, "I now feel some guilt. My husband has told me if I want to make myself feel better, he'll give her money, but that seems like a bad idea as she'd likely use it badly or blow through it and then expect more." She added that she felt bad and thought she might have helped her as she was doing better than her mom. She asked people if she was wrong for not telling her mother they were well-off. 

People had some suggestions for the woman. u/Dependent-Aside-9750 commented, "If hubby wants to pay for something, it can be a treatment program for mom to get the help she needs, but you are most definitely not the a***ole. Mom is trying to manipulate." u/Yankeetransplant1 wrote, "So you are selfish yet are raising her baby? That's ridiculous. I suggest you create some boundaries with your mother So that she is not able to berate and abuse you or she will not see her daughter. It’s not good for your sister to be around someone being rude to you. Stand up for yourself!" u/kittyC217 said, "You have been more than generous with your mom by giving her supervised visitation. Since you say the adoption is airtight, I would tell her if she keeps asking for money you will go no contact. Your mom just wants money."

The 34-year-old shared an update on the current situation. She revealed that they had blocked her mother on social media and changed their numbers. Moreover, they told their family lawyer to connect to her mom and inform her that all her visits had been stopped after she berated the woman in front of her sister. She also wrote, "She has to get clean for at least a year with weekly tests if she wants to see my sister again. My mother can contact our family lawyer if she needs help with the tests, but beyond that, she gets no help from us unless she wants to go to rehab, which we will pay for directly to the rehab, not her." She added that they have moved to their in-law's house for now, as her mom knows where they used to live.