Wife says she'll always prioritize brother with neurological disorder over husband, sparking debate

When you're marrying a person, it's always best to be conscious of what you're getting into and then make an informed decision. A lack of this contemplation can land people's marriages in trouble and maybe even divorce. A woman on Reddit, u/throwaway023856, shared how their husband yelled at her for prioritizing her brother, who had a neurological condition, over him all the time. The post has got 3.3K upvotes and 2.8K comments.

The woman starts by sharing how her now 22-year-old brother had been diagnosed with a neurological disorder when he was a teenager. She writes, "When he was old enough, he became my responsibility. He seems just like everyone else, but he needs supervision, and it would be very difficult for him to live alone." The woman mentions how her husband knew this when they started dating.

She had told him a "billion times" that her brother would always be her top priority. The man understood this and shared a decent relationship with her brother but did not proactively help with his treatment. She writes, "My brother doesn't care for him much and my husband treated him kindly. Like I said, he was quite understanding." But things started to take a turn for the worse in recent months. The woman found her husband was becoming a bit distant.

The woman decided to check in and asked how he was doing. He talked about their future and asked if her brother would ever move out. She told him that would most likely not be the case for the foreseeable future. Her husband did not ask any more questions. Some time later, her husband came home with a few of his coworkers.

He had not the wife about the guests earlier. The woman tried calling her brother so he wouldn't be "overwhelmed" when he got home from his job, but his phone was dead. She shares, "So when he did come home, he was extremely overwhelmed and I had to take him on a walk. My husband called me several times while we were out on this walk, but I didn't answer. Honestly, I was a little annoyed, but mostly, I was busy with my brother."

The husband's coworkers eventually left and the woman and her brother got back home from the walk. It was then that the husband began yelling at her, stating how she had "embarrassed him in front of his coworkers." She asked for clarification, to which he replied that she had a "bad attitude" and was "inhospitable." The woman mentions how she would have been happy to host his coworkers if he had given her some advanced warning.

She told him to "snap out of it." He remarked that she only cared about her brother and how he would always only be a "second thought." The man proceeded to call her brother a derogatory term for a mentally challenged individual. She writes, "This made me extremely angry, so I told him that there's no use getting mad at me; he married me knowing that he'll always be second." The man left to stay with his mom, who also criticized the woman for neglecting her husband. She asked people on the platform if she was in the wrong and got mixed responses. 

Some people on the site sided with the woman in the comments section and provided their insights on the couple's situation. u/FloatingPencil said, "NAH, but in his position, I'd just leave. The idea of marrying someone and still always coming second, forever, isn't great. The only time I think that works is when a couple has kids and both parents agree that the kids come first, and it works because the priorities are the same." A few were of the opinion that the woman wasn't prioritizing her husband at all, which was wrong. "I do agree the husband was lashing out, which makes him an AH. But you're giving OP way too much credit here. The husband can't communicate better because OP's stance is hard set in stone -- husband doesn't matter as much as brother. As many people have pointed out, OP being a care-taker their whole life isn't sustainable. Especially because the brother is the younger brother. So, OP isn't doing anybody any favors by ignoring this problem," wrote u/Nosesrick.