Wife fed up with husband's persistent 'weaponized incompetence' rethinks her marriage

Marriage works best when both partners put in equal effort, sharing responsibilities and supporting each other through thick and thin. However, the dynamics can shift dramatically when one partner exhibits weaponized incompetence. In such cases, one person shoulders all responsibilities—managing the household, making decisions and solving problems—while the other avoids accountability by claiming they "just can’t do it right." This profound truth about marriage was highlighted when a 32-year-old woman, u/electrical_cat_131 on Reddit, shared how her 38-year-old husband faked illness to avoid taking their kids to daycare. 

Tired of dealing with her husband’s strategic incompetence, the woman confessed, "I feel like I have a third son, not a partner anymore." She recounted a specific incident where she asked him to take their 2-month-old baby to an audiology appointment and drop their two sons at daycare, as she was tied up with work. "Not hard - he works away in the mines, so I do things like that all the time, as I'm sure you all do too," she explained. To ensure he wasn’t late, she woke up at 6 am to wake him, even though the audiology appointment wasn’t until 8 am.

Meanwhile, her husband, perhaps already prepared with excuses, exclaimed, "Omg! I'm so sick, I am sweating, I've got a sore ear, I've been up every hour." In response, she suggested he rest for the day—after taking the kids to daycare. However, he immediately refused, insisting, "I'm too sick. You have to take the kids to daycare." The woman knew he was just faking sickness since he had not even taken any medicines.

"So he not only makes our boy miss an important appointment but then also makes me late for work because I normally wake up at 5 am to get the kids and myself ready when I drop them at daycare before work when he's not here," she revealed. Later, her husband texted her, saying, "I'm so sorry, I hate letting you down. I'm seriously unwell." However, she was too upset with his behavior and chose to ignore him for the rest of the day. When she came home after work, she was surprised to learn that her husband was out shopping for groceries instead of resting. "He's also cleaned the house spotless out of guilt. Well, darn, that must be one of the quickest recoveries ever made! I just can't deal with the weaponized incompetence anymore," she shared. 

The woman sought advice from others, wondering if she was being too harsh or unfair to her husband. Her Reddit post quickly gained traction, with many users expressing dissatisfaction with the man for shirking his responsibilities. For instance, u/physical_ad5135 wrote, "But why did you take them to daycares? Drop the kids onto the bed with dad and drive off. He either decides to take them to daycare or they are with him for the day. Bet he would have mustered up the strength to drive them to daycare pretty quick." u/no_internet5666 shared, "My ex-husband pulled this crap all the time. It was either a 'migraine' or a 'stomach bug.' I put up with it far too long - almost 10 years. I handled everything to do with the children, all the cooking, shopping and cleaning and all the social calendar management. Everything. Leaving him was the best thing I ever did. Being a single mom was no harder than being married to him since I did it all anyhow."