Man studied his wife’s trauma to save their relationship. Then a self-proclaimed shaman accused him of cheating — and she left for the 22nd time

A man (u/electrical_cover2158)’s marriage has become a trail of eggshells. One moment everything is okay; the next, he falls into a painful cycle of emotional distance — thanks to his wife, who refuses to move on from her troubled past. He even studied her traumas to help her out until her spiritual guide, a shaman, turned her against him. The self-proclaimed healer accused the man of infidelity. On October 13, 2026, he vented about his misery on Reddit, which has since received 1,000 upvotes.

Trauma keeps knocking

The man shared that his wife had been through multiple sexual assaults, child neglect, family abandonment, and abusive partners in the past. "She has been through so much in life," he confessed. He also said that he has always supported her, but she's too reluctant to learn new patterns and overcome past traumas. Each time they reconnect after a terrible fight, she promises to let go of her past, but when the time comes, she exhibits her old avoidant behavior. His wife shows no empathy or remorse even when she's at fault and sees him as her worst enemy. At one point, when the husband suggested couples therapy, she insisted on going alone. Upon returning, she wanted to separate because, apparently, her therapist said her husband was "dangerous" for her. "The next time after that one, she broke up with me and told me that I’m a good man and I deserve better," the husband added.

A spiritual plot twist

After their last reconnection, the breakup bombshell exploded in the form of an epiphany from his wife’s spiritual guide, a Mexican shaman. Apparently, the shaman told his wife that she was remotely accessing her husband’s head to remove his fears of losing her. She also told her that he was cheating on her by watching pornography. After this, the author's wife turned off her location, went to work, and told him for the 22nd time that she wanted to break up. The author was shocked because his wife already had access to his phone, email, iCloud, etc., and still refused to trust him when the shaman accused him of cheating on her. "The only thing she doesn’t have access to is my head, but the shaman apparently does now," he added.

The attachment gap

According to the Connected Couples App, “avoidant attachment” is the most common insecure style. It is more prevalent than anxious or disorganized attachment. Mostly, children who endure neglect or emotional unavailability develop this attachment style. They tend to emotionally distance themselves in relationships, avoid intimacy, and close connections, as explained in the International Journal of Indian Psychology. Similarly, reports by Attachment and Human Development and the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggest that this attachment style prevails between 23% and 25% of the population.

'Let her leave'

Meanwhile, reacting to the Reddit post, u/Consistent_Bill_7137 commented, “Spiritual guides are nonsense. They all say the same thing. End your relationship and be more spiritual. It's a decentralized cult. Your wife is cooked if she believes that crap.” U/complete_eye1179 said, “Man, everything you are saying here clearly suggests that this relationship isn’t working for either of you. Say thank you, and let her go. Feel sad, be sad. This sucks. And she needs time to heal. It’s not your fault. And you deserve peace.”

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