Why write polite emails when you can write 'like a man'? Women are switching it up — and it's working

Recently, a trend on TikTok and Instagram has women rethinking something as ordinary as sending an email. Dubbed the “writing an email like a man” trend, this movement highlights the differences in how men and women write emails, and it’s as hilarious as it is relatable. While who started this trend remains unclear, female content creators are hopping on it left, right and center and sharing their own versions. Kristel Cocoli, a software developer and tech content creator, first noticed this contrast in her own workplace emails. “I’ve noticed how overly polite and padded my emails could get, especially compared to the short, straight-to-the-point emails I get from my colleagues and collaborators,” she told HuffPost.

In a video she created on TikTok back in 2022 under her username @kristel_tech, Cocoli experimented with stripping away the niceties. “I thought, ‘What if I just edited out all the fluff and sounded more like them?’” The video was “a lighthearted experiment to see how it’d feel if I ditched the exclamation points and endless ‘no worries!’ vibes,” she explained. More women joined in on the trend, including career coach Kay Bray, who shared her take on the concept on her Instagram and TikTok. 

Her TikTok video under the username @corporatespiritguide, which has over 210,000 views, reimagines how emails might sound without the usual pleasantries. “It’s 2024 no more email courtesy,” she captions the video. She cuts out phrases like “No rush — just looking to stay in the loop” and eliminates the default “Thanks so much!” While the trend is humorous, many of its creators acknowledge the value of finding a balance. “I catch myself sometimes going, ‘Do I really need to add this long sentence that can be just three words?’” Cocoli said. “But I’m still me, so I’m not about to completely ditch the friendliness or the way I respond in my emails. The point isn’t to sound warm or cold — it’s just about knowing we don’t have to overdo it.”

Another TikTok user Shanz (@vanillabbt) took the trend even further, showing the evolution of an email from overly polite to blunt. She captions the video "drafting my emails like a man to assert my authority." Initially, her email reads, "Kevin, I hope this email finds you well! :) As discussed this morning, could you kindly provide all relevant documents for our case? I would like to get to it as soon as possible so that I can proceed. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me via email. Thank you! Warm regards, Shannon." Then, as she edits, the email progressively loses its pleasantries until it simply reads, "Kevin, Provide."

Her video went viral, gaining hundreds of thousands of likes and sparking hilarious reactions in the comments. @ashkoa commented, "Just put your request in the subject. No need email body." @casteycakes suggested, "Just say 'Kevin...' he should know what to do." @j_cernyi recalled something similar their boss did, "My boss once tried emailing us that there was fresh fruit in the break room, but his email legit just said 'bananas.'" @cataliepurrtman wrote, "It hurts me when I have to remove my exclamation points. WHO AM I WITHOUT THEM?!" @jacireck added, "I throw the 'as discussed this morning' in to have a paper trail they agreed to it."

You can follow Kristel (@kristel_tech), Kay Bray (@corporatespiritguide) and Shanz (@vanillabbt) on TikTok for more tech, career and lifestyle content.