She argued that it's less to do with money and more with the psychology of a man who wants to be in control over their family.
A Twitter user recently sparked a heated discussion on the platform by sharing her thoughts on why many men hate paying child support despite the child being their own flesh and blood. Twitter user Shakia Asamoah, who goes by the username Nsafoa's Lost Key on the social network, theorized that it's less to do with money and more with the psychology of a man who wants to be in control over their family. She argued that the very fact many of them gladly support their new families financially is proof that their distaste for child support isn't about money.
skskksks like I said: control https://t.co/IWcTj4zYqA— Nsafoa's Lost Key 🏳️🌈 (@YaaAsantewaaBa) October 31, 2021
"My theory about why men hate child support so much isn't about the amount of money they spend but rather because under the patriarchal rules they ascribe to, providing financial support should come with the promise of control. Control they don't have over their exes," she tweeted. "This is also why so many men abandon their families after a breakup but become providers to new partners and new kids. Because in those new situations they still have the control they feel that providing material support should guarantee." Shakia went on to state that this is also why most men don't want to file for custody.
Similarly, abusive men insisting on joint custody is about control, not the kids' well-being. Men torturing their exes with lengthy legal proceedings is about control. When she leaves, she takes back control, and that's what he hates most.— Olivia Collette (@Olivia_Collette) October 30, 2021
"This is why asking them why they don't file for custody (which would end them having to make payments) always stumps them. Because being the primary custodian will not fix their problem. Because their problem is a loss of control, not a loss of money," she tweeted. Shakia's theory — which received over 29.5k likes on Twitter — ignited a debate on the platform with many trying to determine whether the theory has grounds by drawing parallels with their own experiences. A number of women in the comments agreed with Shakia and gave personal examples of how their ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends acted as if paying them child support meant that the women owed them something.
I would say you lying but I too have been menned by men 😑😑😑— Unbawthad. Eating chips (@syn1031) October 30, 2021
"Every time my son's dad would get caught by child support again for working and not reporting his new job, he would suddenly demand access to my son he was never normally interested in seeing, because 'I'm paying for him now so he's mine too.' A child is not a fu**ing car lease," tweeted @AntiKilljoy. "My dad would tell us my mom was spending 'his' child support on getting her nails done and whatever, but she was paying for almost everything for our care, not him. Men who are bitter about paying [child support] which is below the bare minimum for parenting are pathetic."
And CONTROL is why you see memes about How women spend the child support or if the Mom is dating .. also why men leave their whole family when they feel like the woman does not “Need them”.. men fixated on control prefer women they think are helpless pic.twitter.com/ouKAXp6ScR— MatriarchyIsKey (@Kay1Belle) October 30, 2021
Twitter user @cloudpks shared a similar experience, writing: "My dad was like this, and would say my mom wasn't spending it ON us because he didn't see new clothes on us. But sir, food in my stomach, having heat and lights on in the house, is towards US. So... Co-payments for doctors, dentists, etc it all adds up. Kids are expensive as fu**. And if you did anything for us, then we wouldn't be in this situation, like..."
So if you were told you were never able to see your child again but you could choose to pay to make sure they're taken care of or not pay & let them suffer, you're saying you'd rather let them suffer because you're not getting the "return" of a relationship on your investment. 🤔— Serena Jade | SOUTH FLORIDA (@SerenaJadeVIP) October 30, 2021
Naturally, there were also some who argued the opposite. "Not control, relationship... Men want relationships with the kids they are paying for..." wrote @XL2LETTERS. However, Twitter user @Giliell quickly dispelled this claim by pointing out the specific language used to describe child support. "'They are paying for...' Your child is not a service you're paying for. You don't pay for access, you pay for the child's needs. They still need food, regardless of whether you see them or not. But cool that you're telling the world this so women can run the other way," they tweeted.