This Valentine's Day you can name a cockroach after your ex and watch them get eaten

Ever felt an all-consuming urge to detach your ex's pretty little head from their neck and toss it to some hungry alligators? Or spent hours imagining the various possible ways in which they and their "It's not you, it's me" excuses could mysteriously slip and fall into a lion's open mouth? While modern society may frown upon these broken-hearted fantasies, the San Antonio Zoo is once again offering jilted lovers some catharsis this Valentine's Day by bringing back their "Cry Me a Cockroach" fundraiser for the second year in a row. For the uninitiated, this one-of-a-kind campaign gives you the chance to take some well-deserved revenge on a former love interest while simultaneously helping feed some of its residents.

For just $5, name a cockroach after your former significant other and feed it to a bird, reptile, or mammal this February 14 while the world descends into that annual all-hail-cupid nightmare. And if your ex moved on a little too quickly for your liking or stole your favorite sweatshirt during the breakup, up the ante on your revenge taking and shell out $20 to have zookeepers feed a frozen rat to a reptile instead. If you ask me, that's the best way to spend money on Valentine's Day.

"Back by popular demand! San Antonio Zoo returns with the perfect remedy for your broken heart with our second annual 'Cry Me a Cockroach!' Fundraising Event. You will be able to symbolically name a cockroach after your ex, and we will serve it up as an enrichment treat to one of our animals for only $5. If your ex was a snake, you can name a pre-frozen rat after them, and we will feed it to a reptile for $25," the zoo explains on its website.

Since the ongoing pandemic makes it a little too risky to actually visit the zoo and watch the cockroach/rat being fed to a cute bird, reptile, or mammal, San Antonio Zoo has arranged a socially-distanced alternative. The zoo will stream the feedings via Facebook Live on Valentine's Day so that you can watch the event from the comfort and safety of your home. And if you're not very keen on the idea of some cockroaches and rats becoming martyrs for this worthy cause, the zoo offers a $5 herbivore option that involves romaine lettuce, cabbage, and other leafy greens that can be fed to vegetarian animals.

And it doesn't have to be exclusively for exes either! As the zoo points out, you can also symbolically purchase one of these options "for those roommates who never pick up after themselves or for the people you've been stuck with in quarantine." According to CNN, those participating will receive a certificate to share on social media and if you are feeling "revengy," you might even consider tagging the sorry fool who thought they could do better than you. Those interested have until February 13 at 6 p.m. ET to register on the zoo's website. Only first names will be displayed during the event.

The money raised from the "Cry Me A Cockroach" event will help expand the jaguar habitat with a connected overhead catwalk. "Plans include the addition of an overhead catwalk that will connect the jaguars' existing habitat to another nearby habitat," the zoo explained. It also clarified that live rodents won't be a part of the event. "The pre-frozen rodents we utilize are part of regular daily scheduled feedings of our animals. They are delivered frozen from a mouse farm and stored at our Nutrition Center until thawed for feedings," it stated. "Live roaches are sourced from professional roach breeders, the colony is cared for and maintained by the Reptile Department in the Reptile House."