Woman embarrassed after seeing hands-on Swedish dads, says she's been ruined for American men

In many parts of the world, parenting roles are still shaped by long-standing expectations about who should take the lead at home. While women are often seen as default caregivers, the visible presence of fathers in everyday childcare remains inconsistent. But for those living in countries where shared parenting is supported by policy and culture, those assumptions can look very different. That difference is what 24-year-old Emma Hughes began to notice after moving from the United States to Sweden to work as a nanny. Sharing her experience on her Instagram handle @nurturedbyemma, she said, "I think I've been ruined for American men."

She continued, "Specifically raising a child with an American man in America, because these Scandinavian dads? Chef's kiss." In it, Hughes described a cultural adjustment she hadn't prepared for: seeing large numbers of Swedish fathers actively participating in daily childcare. "When I see a dad doing what is considered the bare minimum here and should be considered bare minimum anywhere, my brain is immediately like, 'Oh, but that's so impressive,'" she explained. She added, "Let me tell you why my gut reaction when I see dads at the park with their strollers is, 'Oh, wow, what a good dad!"

She then questioned her own thinking, saying, "When I see more dads pushing their strollers in the park on a Saturday morning than moms, my brain thinks, 'That's weird, there is something abnormal about that.' It is so deeply telling of a lot of subconscious stuff that I have going on in my brain after working with so many families." She further said, "Even the best American dads I've ever worked with would still be considered the Scandinavian bare minimum." "In 99% of the families I've worked with, the mom has been the one carrying the bulk of the physical load of childcare," she shared.

Hughes later told Newsweek that what struck her most was how normalized a father's involvement seemed to be in Sweden. She said, "It really goes to show what happens when a culture raises boys to be attuned and capable, prioritizes families, and puts systems in place to support them. A dad seeing a need, problem-solving, and proactively finding the solution all on his own should be the bare minimum!" She also noted, "Again, this shouldn't be as shocking as it felt. It's a lot easier to be an in-tune and hands-on parent when you are legally not allowed to work more than 40 hours a week and have to take paid parental leave," she said. Sweden’s family policies are structured around that belief. According to the OECD Family Database, as of April 2023, OECD countries offer an average of 60 weeks of paid parental leave per child, with 25 weeks earmarked for mothers and about 10 weeks for fathers.

The story prompted responses from viewers who related to her observations and expressed frustration at how deeply societal systems shape what people consider normal. @amber_de_wolf wrote, "So true. It is a big cultural difference that is also made possible by their society because of extended parental leave. We all just need that time and 'practice' and involvement!" @linnyslifeandleisures commented, "I'm a Swede living in the US. As a mum, I'm effing pissed that I didn't realize how low the standard for dads is here." @natigudi added, "OMG, this was me walking through Copenhagen. Every park, all dads hanging with their kids, getting snacks, bs-ing with the other dads. It was wow."

You can follow Emma Hughes (@nurturedbyemma) on Instagram for more daily life content.