Trauma therapist shares a powerful message for the ‘good kids’ parents never needed to worry about

Ever feel like you're stuck in a never-ending cycle of trying to please everyone while hiding your own struggles? Maggie Nick, a licensed social worker, trauma therapist and mom who shares insights on TikTok under @maggiewithperspectacles, has a trending video that speaks directly to those of us who were once the “good kids.” It offers a refreshing take on breaking free from that exhausting “good kid” mindset, promising to bring a new level of understanding and relief. 

In her video, she addresses those of us who fit this description. “You anxiously watch everybody’s moods like a hawk, looking for any evidence you’re in trouble or you’ve done something wrong,” she says. “You’re a pushover and trying to set boundaries puts your body in the fight or flight. It doesn’t take much for you to worry that someone’s mad at you.”

She goes on, “You people please, and you’re terrified of making anyone mad and disappointing or letting anyone down. You’re the happy one. You make everyone feel so good about themselves, but inside... you beat yourself up about everything. You apologize like this: ‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I feel so bad. Are we OK? Are you OK? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I feel so bad.'” If this sounds like you, keep watching—and maybe grab a handkerchief, because Nick’s message is likely to strike a chord. These days, she observes, “You avoid conflict and boundaries at all cost, because what if that person leaves you? You bottle all of your feelings. You push your feelings down and pretend you’re fine, put on this brave mask.”

She adds, “You’re the helper. You’re the one who gives the support; you don’t ever ask for support, and you struggle to receive support even when you’re really struggling.” But this way of living isn’t sustainable. Everyone needs help sometimes. Nick has a special message for anyone who feels this way.

She emphasizes that love doesn’t need to be earned by always being good, fine or accomplished. She reassures that one is not a burden, rather it is a privilege and an honor to care for someone when they’re struggling. She stresses that being loved is not about being difficult to love. It’s easy to love someone, and it’s a joy and honor to do so. It’s perfectly okay to not be okay, and there’s no need to constantly hold it together or pretend to be fine. Struggling and not being perfect is natural, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Her message is incredibly comforting and healing, perhaps because Nick truly understands what it’s like—she describes herself as a “recovering burned out, overachieving, people-pleasing, perfectionist pushover and shape-shifting chameleon.”

Well as it said, it did strike a chord with many viewers. "My boss wanted to talk to me today and my first instinct was to ask 'am I in trouble?' Even though I didn’t even do anything wrong," said @maddiethesopranie. "M’am, I did not get on TikTok today to be called out like this. But apparently, I needed it," prompted @maddielynnmiele. "How do I get over the fact that my mom told my husband: 'Are you sure you want to do this? She can be hard to love,'" shared @krispyqueso. "This is me. Always the good kid, no acting out, and good grades, and basically had to ignore or bury anything that wasn’t ok to deal with. It’s hard to heal because even as adults there’s guilt!" added @rae4317. 

You can follow Maggie Nick (@maggiewithperspectacles) on TikTok for more mental health tips, videos, and content.