Therapists explain why Millennials don’t feel middle-aged despite getting closer to 40

Millennials are approaching their 40s, but many claim that they still feel like kids or younger adults. It’s not so much their eagerness to be childlike and young as it is their circumstances. A Millennial woman named Helen McPherson (@helsmcp) shared her opinion on what it feels like to be near her 40s, and she, too, doesn’t feel middle-aged at all. In her post dated December 29, the woman explained why many fellow middle-aged people are also feeling the same — it’s the challenging reality they’re living in today that hasn’t given them the space to get there. And psychologists agree with her viewpoint. 

McPherson explained that while the world thinks Millennials don’t want to accept their age, there’s a deep-rooted reason behind them not feeling middle-aged. “I feel there’s some kind of injustice. Perhaps, there has been some kind of mistake along the line. I shouldn’t be approaching 40, I shouldn’t be middle-aged,” she concerningly said. McPherson added that there’s no way they have reached middle age when they haven’t even gotten a chance to be grown-ups. “We’re all still pretending to be grown-ups,” she noted, adding that they never got a chance to face the real world the way Boomers and previous generations did. 

“We shouldn’t be at this point in life because we’re far too behind,” McPherson remarked. There are still so many milestones this group is hoping to accomplish before they can reach the so-called “middle age,” but it’s hard because of the reality they live in. The lifestyle, economy, and so many other factors have hindered their growth and lives to such an extent that they feel stuck. McPherson further explained that even because of COVID, they have lost out on living life and barely making it through because they were “predominantly online.” 

She emphasized that it’s not so much that they don’t want to “accept” being middle-aged, it’s more that they can’t believe they have reached that point in life because there seems to be so much they still need to do. National Geographic shared insights from Margie Lachman, a professor of Psychology at Brandeis University who focuses on midlife. She noted that the idea of a “midlife crisis” is no longer affecting Millennials because they don’t have control over much to begin with. Karen Fingerman, a professor of Human Development at UT Austin and director of the Texas Aging and Longevity Consortium, added, “It’s not that you ‘failed’ or didn’t grab an opportunity. What happened was that those markers disappeared, and the world became less structured.”

Later marriages, inflation, lack of job security, world dynamics, and so much more have contributed to changing the picture of midlife for Millennials today. @whenyoursmilingcfc said, "I think you're realizing the future we were sold is never going to happen, and you're still waiting for it. You're not alone." @elcb201518 added, "I still look for the real adult in the room, and I turn 37 next week." While it is confusing and scary, experts say it can be looked at as a fresh opportunity. “If your identity is less constrained by the need to accomplish a specific societal goal, then you’re freer to derive meaning from other experiences,” Fingerman noted. Lachman added, “If the script is not as clear as it once was, you may as well take advantage of it, right?”

You can follow Helen McPherson (@helmcp) on TikTok for more content on the Millennial lifestyle. 

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