Therapist specializing in 'inner child rehab' explains why people worry about others being mad at them

People sometimes feel that they need external validation to feel good about themselves or something they have done. They want to please people and are subconsciously worried about the negative remarks they receive. They also have a strong desire to control how others perceive them. A licensed social worker and trauma therapist who specializes in "inner child rehab" has seemingly found the answer to why people tend to worry about what others think about them. Maggie Nick–who goes by @maggiewithperspectacles on TikTok–shared a special video addressing this topic.

"So why are you so terrified of making someone mad? Why do you say, 'Are you mad at me?' all the time? I'll tell you," Nick theorized. "It's a truth bomb, so hold my hand while I tell you this. It's because nobody's ever been mad at you and still made you feel like they love you simultaneously." Nick explained that parents could make their children feel unloved through their words and actions, especially when upset. Nick mentioned how parents throw "shame grenades" at their kids after telling them they were not mad but just disappointed in them. They withdrew and withheld love and affection when the kids needed it the most.

"And then I think the last one that just cuts so deep is 'I love you, but I don't like you right now,'" Nick mentioned. "But when we are an attachment figure to a child and we drop something like that on their developing brain, they're not going to be able to critically think and see the nuance there. They're going to hear, 'You don't love me.' Your lived experience of anger is that it doesn't go well for you. That person loves you one minute and then when they get mad, they don't care about you. You have no value or worth to them. They not only don't love you, they're disgusted by you. So, of course, you're terrified to make people mad," Nick concluded.

"This is Relational Shame Trauma in action. And healing our inner child is about comforting the parts of us who've never experienced someone being mad at us and still loving us," she added in the caption. The video resonated with many people as they shared their experiences in the comment section. @_lindarose03_x commented, "My dad would silently treat me for unpredictable amounts of time when I made him mad. It didn't matter. I did everything to try to make it up (and he was a major gaslighter). When I feel like I've made a mistake now, I can't be okay with it unless I profusely apologize. I apologized to my coworker for having an anxiety meltdown yesterday."

@kathrynfraziermullen shared, "It's not just my parents, it's everyone! The second I make a mistake, I get dismissed and abandoned. I don't think anybody sees or understands me!" @worshippingmama quipped, "Why do all of these hit me so hard in such a healing/revelatory way? Wow. Thank you. I needed to hear this." @smoorefurr added, "Thank you for answering this! I'm always worried someone is mad at me and constantly apologizing for everything, even when it's nothing. My son says stop apologizing."

You can follow Maggie Nick (@maggiewithperspectacles) on TikTok for more videos on mental health advice.