He spoke about navigating the early days of a relationship without being swept away by the excitement and thrill of new love.
A therapist on TikTok grabbed the attention of millions of viewers earlier this month by sharing the three things he feels people shouldn't do when they think they've fallen in love with someone. In the video, Jeff Guenther — co-founder of TherapyDen, an "inclusive therapist directory" to help people find therapists of all sorts of specialties — spoke about navigating the initial stages of a relationship without getting swept away by the cocktail of pheromones, dopamine, and oxytocin rushing through one's brain. With over 3.1 million views on TikTok alone, the video clearly seems to have hit the homerun with netizens.
"Three things you should not do when you find yourself head over heels in love. Hi, I'm a therapist and I talked to a ton of people that meet their dream person and quickly fall in love, and then totally freak out about it," Guenther says in the video. "Here are three things I think you should not do in order to give your new relationship the best chance of working out. Number one, don't fool yourself into thinking that you're actually in love. I know it feels like you're in love but you're not yet and I know I sould like a complete fu**ing tu*d for saying that, it sounds so condescending."
"It's like, 'it's so cute that you think you're in love, but you don't know what real love is.' I'm not trying to sound like that dips**t. I'm just saying that you still need to find out all the annoying sh*t about them. And once you see how dumb and annoying they are, and you still think that you're head over heels in love, then you're more likely actually in love," he continues. The therapist then went on to explain why it was so important to see past the rosy hues of the initial phase of a relationship. "At the start, you're just super excited about the potential of who they might be."
"And you're projecting positivity all over them, which is important. Keep doing that. Just know that you have rose tinted glasses on and you don't see any red flags because of it," he explains in the video. The second thing one must avoid doing when they think they are in love, Guenther says, is allowing things to progress in a breakneck speed. "Don't move fast. Okay, so you might be freaking out because you're totally overwhelmed with feelings of love and bliss. And honestly, I couldn't be more happy for you. You're probably really wanting to spend as much time as you can with your new love interest. But do yourself a favor and try to slow it down just a bit," he urges.
"See them up to two or three times during the week. But don't see them every day. And try your very best not to text them throughout the whole day. Slow down, savor the moments you have apart. Seek that really nice feeling of anticipation and curiosity. Sometimes, when you are apart you might feel anxious, flip that feeling upside down and feel excitement instead," Guenther continues. "It's just a little shift that you need to make. If you dive headfirst into a relationship, then you could make decisions that don't actually serve you in the long run. You're not thinking rationally. I know it's hard to do."
"But it a little slower than you'd like. Relationships start out hot and heavy, you have a tendency to crash and burn if you say f**k it and spend every day with them," he warns viewers. As for the third no-no when it comes to new relationships, Guenther strongly recommends not making any big decisions. "Oh my God, I see this all the time. You think you're in love, you think they're the one. And you decide move in or quit school or follow their band. Please don't make big decisions at the start. It feels like it's a great idea, but you really don't know if it's gonna work out until you actually get to know them," he says.
"And if they're asking you to make life altering decisions at the start, that should be a huge red flad, live your life and see if they'll complement what you've already got going on. You can make all the big decisions after you get to know them for like a year at least," the therapist explains in the viral TikTok. Guenther concludes the video by directing those curious to know more toward Therapist Den's podcast called Swoon.