Therapist shares eye-opening reality about unavailable people and how they act in relationships

Relationships are not easy to sustain in modern society. It's hard finding the perfect partner for yourself in the first place and if you are lucky, you might find yourself an emotionally available partner. But what about those individuals who are sort of emotionally unavailable in a relationship? Therapist Zoe Crook (@zoecrooktherapy on Instagram) is exposing the brutal reality of how emotionally unavailable people are in a relationship and how to identify one.

The therapist aptly captioned her post: "The reality is, oftentimes, emotionally unavailable people date emotionally unavailable people. If you’re truly ready for the real deal, you wouldn't be attracted or willing to put up with ambiguity." She starts the video by addressing that emotionally unavailable people are people who are perpetually chasing unavailable people as well. "You might have more in common than you think," Crook says at the beginning of her video. "Number one, you are both disconnected from your needs. If you are in touch with your needs and you truly believe that you are worthy of getting them met." 

"Number two, you both struggle to set boundaries," she continues. "There is a high chance that if you set boundaries with your emotionally unavailable partner, they would get fed up and pull away and just go find someone who asks less of them. They are likely benefitting from keeping you around without putting in the effort." In the third point, Crook mentions how emotionally unavailable partners are scared of intimacy. "The reality is if you were ready for the real deal, you wouldn't stick around for all these," she adds.

Crook also points out how emotionally unavailable people are scared to be vulnerable too. "Dating an emotionally unavailable person is safe because they won't ask too much of you and since you are too scared to ask too much from them, you are a safe option for them too," Crook notes. "If you are pursuing an unavailable partner, you have likely ignored your own needs, feelings and desires. So, try to bring awareness to your avoidance and give yourself the love, attention and validation that you are hoping to get from your partner."

Crook's video sparked a healthy conversation in the comments section as many people admitted that they are emotionally unavailable in relationships and Crook has shown them what the problem is. @scotian.lady wrote, "Love your page and messages. Where do healthy available partners meet their equals? Online is fake yet there are no 'singles only' spaces to weed through all the married folks. When you begin to show vulnerability and express needs and make healthy requests though, they are NOT met, not considered and not a priority. How does this cycle get broken? Even if you've made progress and have healed quite a bit, this does NOT mean that someone WILL show up in a truly connected and healthy way." 

@helena.petra noted, "That is so true. I am in this right now. But by choice. I do not wanna be tied down to nobody and wanna keep my options open." @skulasingham quipped, "Ouch. I never thought I was emotionally unavailable because if anything I cannot manage my emotions, they are spilling all over the place. But, I heard you. And I am having a difficult time admitting this, but I see how I struggle with all four traits you mention in this video. I say this as I reflect on the last relationship I had with an emotionally unavailable person. Thank you for caring enough to keep it real. This was not easy to hear, but something I needed to hear because it was work I needed to do."

@firedragonwarriorking added, "Great info, however, your statement about if someone puts up with this, they are also scared of intimacy isn’t always accurate. People, myself included, often tend to put up with such behavior, not because of a fear of intimacy, but out of a pattern of not being met in childhood by parents." Crook has made a bunch of other videos on her page talking about the dynamics of healthy and unhealthy relationships which can benefit people who are searching for some clarity in their lives.