Couple therapist of 15 years reveals 8 questions every couple must ask each other before getting married

Love alone can't sustain a relationship; it's a combination of things that keep the spark alive. However, couples often rush into relationships without discussing core values and beliefs. With age, when the definition of love changes for both partners, then the actual tension begins. While love takes a backseat, resentments and unspoken frustrations start to dominate, creating emotional distance. If you are someone contemplating marriage, then you must discuss these 8 things that a couple therapist (@embracingjoypsychotherapy) suggested can break or make long-term relationships. The video was posted on November 14 and has crossed over 5 million views on Instagram.

The therapist, who has been happily married for 15 years, said it's important for couples not to "weaponize" words like "divorce" or "breakup," even as a joke. "When couples throw out threats, it rattles the foundation every single time. You can't take those words back," she said. Next, the therapist shared that both partners can't put in equal efforts every time. Sometimes, while one is at 60, the other is always at 40. Moving on, the therapist explained that couples should protect each other's dignity in public while working through challenges privately. "Respect is the oxygen of long-term partnership," she added. Getting into a relationship or marriage doesn't mean you must sacrifice your independence. In simple words, setting boundaries is crucial for a healthy relationship. While you must give your partner all your time, you shouldn't sacrifice your own set of friends, hobbies, or life in general. "No. 5, we choose experiences together. Curiosity keeps a relationship alive. A relationship that explores together stays flexible and connected," she shared. The therapist then explained how "transparency" and "consideration" are non-negotiables. She also mentioned that saying "I love you" more often than not is important. "And last one, it's never you versus them. It's both of you versus the problem," she concluded. 

Affectionate communication, such as saying 'I love you' or offering a hug, positively contributes to relationship satisfaction, according to a study by UF College of Journalism and Communications doctoral candidates Taylor Vasquez, Chelsea Moss, and UF colleagues. They found that expressing and receiving affection improves bonds and strengthens bonds. This means couples who express their love more often are more likely to experience higher satisfaction in their relationships.

Meanwhile, people loved the therapist's advice and even shared how some non-negotiables in their relationships have helped them grow as individuals and as a couple. For example, @_thatguyfromtexas_ commented, "I love the part about transparency. I explained to my husband the importance of transparency over honesty when building and retaining trust. Thank you for your content; I will be following."

@philomenaa.art wrote, "I am so happy that my fiancé and I can say that we do all of these! Not perfectly, of course, and sometimes it takes time to realize, but we have these 'rules' in mind all the time. I love him so much and work hard to have the good relationship we have. I feel like we keep growing together, and that is a wonderful thing." @sanderjulieb shared, "We have been married for almost 48 years, and I definitely agree with these principles, and we live this way. We are at a point in our lives where being a team is critical to make it through some of life’s challenges." 

You can follow Embracing Joy Psychotherapy (@embracingjoypsychotherapy) on Instagram for relationship-related content.

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