Trauma therapist shares tips on how parents can create a safe environment for kids and it's eye-opening

In order to enjoy a wholesome adult life, it is extremely important that an individual's childhood is healthy. A study published by Harvard University highlighted that people who had a traumatic childhood could chart out their path way into adult life as well. The people that have the responsibility of safeguarding childhood are primarily the parents. Morgan Pommells, a childhood trauma therapist shared a list of things parents should avoid with their children, in order to make their experience healthy rather than traumatic, as reported by Your Tango. Pomells understands that parenting is not at all an easy job and does not expect parents to be perfect at their endeavors but her objective is to ensure that they are safe in their practices through her Instagram posts. Pommells states: "Children don’t even need perfect parenting — they just need 'safe parenting.'"

Pommells divided her suggestions into 4 parts. In the first part, she begins by dissuading the parents from yelling at their children after coming home from work. The next two suggestions dealt with the usage of silent treatment and aggressive noises for children. The objective of the first part is to promote practices that do not cause emotional harm to children. The act of yelling, giving silent treatment, and aggressive noises force children to adapt their attitude with respect to the mood of their parents and disrupt their own life balance, which is unhealthy, as explained by Pommells in the caption. She believes that such practices not only cause harm but also damage the nervous system of children, making them live in a constant state of fear.

In the second part, Pommells shares suggestions about acts that directly cause individuals to seek therapy when they reach adulthood. "Treating siblings so differently that there is a clear favorite"- this act causes children to receive emotional wounds as described in the caption since they become susceptible to feeling they are not enough. She further gives two examples of such emotionally damaging acts - "saying 'I guess I'm just the worst mom then' when your kids share they're hurt" and "refusing to apologize because 'you're the parent' and therefore 'don't have to'." Pommells concludes by saying to all the individuals who have suffered this that they do not have to be alone in their ordeal and can reach out for help.

 The third round focuses on behavior that does not allow the children to be children anymore due to adult behavior. Pommells mentions forcing children to walk on eggshells because their parents are in a bad mood, refusing to protect the children in the situation from the parent who is legitimately hurting them, and making children a source of emotional support. In the caption, parents are asked to prioritize the emotional safety of their children rather than make them a site in which they can process their own trauma.

The final round lists off things that cause children to develop things like low-self esteem, resentment, and anxiety later on in life. "Treating [your children] unfairly because 'the world isn't fair...' this actually doesn't 'prepare' them for anything"-  according to Pommells, this behavior tends to develop anxiety in the children as they never garner a sense of 'safe place.' The parents, in doing this, ignore their children's needs and instead, force their own perspective. "Seeing your children as an 'extension' of you. They are so much more than this" - in the caption, it is explained how this can result in undue pressure on children and make them anxious causing issues with their self-worth since parents are seeing them as their own part rather than an individual entity. Pommells also discourages parents from seeking gratefulness in exchange for their sacrifices as it forces children to function with a burden and misunderstand their own worth.

The data produced by Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration makes it all the more necessary that these suggestions are followed. According to SAMHSA, two-thirds of the children in their survey reported facing a traumatic event before the age of 16. Through these suggestions, Pommells is asking parents to provide a safe environment for their children so that they can develop into emotionally healthy adults.