Teen mom let her mother adopt and raise her daughter as her own — then returned 20 years later with an impossible request to save her marriage

Motherhood is far beyond only a passing phase or a temporary interest. Well, it is a lifelong commitment and responsibility that remains constant irrespective of the phase of life. One teenager got pregnant but refused to keep the child or be a mother. Concerned that the child may have to spend their life in foster care, the teen’s mother (u/stella_ramirezl) stepped in and adopted the baby girl. The truth remained hidden from the child, but now, almost 20 years later, the child’s biological mother returned in hopes of taking back her responsibility. Confused, the child’s grandmother, now 60, took to Reddit to share why she feels it is just not the right way to go about things. The post, shared on June 3, has received nearly 600 upvotes in only two days. 

The little secret

The teenager was just 18 when she got pregnant. Unfortunately, neither the child’s father nor the teenager wanted to take responsibility. And that's when the grandma stepped in, because she did not want her granddaughter to end up in the foster care system. Worried, she suggested, "I raise the child as my own daughter, and my daughter continues her life.” Her daughter agreed and moved on in life, keeping the secret sacred. While the child grew up believing her grandmother was her mother, the teenager moved to another city, built a life for herself following graduation, and even married another guy. Like a stranger to the baby, she didn’t take any interest in caring for her, except for meeting her a few times a year.

Battle over child's future

For two decades, the daughter, who had almost abandoned her baby, honored their little secret, but then started making hints to the child. "For example, saying things like 'you have no idea how close you and I are' or 'someday I will tell you something important.' I asked her to stop, but she doesn't listen," the grandma recalled. Finally, she confessed that she wanted to reveal the truth to her daughter and take her back.

The grandma was aware that her daughter and her husband had been wanting kids for quite some time. But due to medical issues, they weren't able to conceive. "And now I am afraid that this whole story is not about love for the child, but about the desire to save her own marriage or give her husband what he always wanted, because then her financial well-being will increase," she added.   

Complex family ties

There’s nothing wrong with the woman trying to rebuild her bond with her daughter. According to the Children’s Bureau, 47% of youth from adoptive or foster care reunite with their biological parents. However, a rushed and unsupported reintroduction like this carries a higher probability of landing in failure. A report stated that nearly 30% of individuals who reunited with their biological parents returned to adoptive or foster care within 10 years, because of the childhood attachment. Similarly, a study reported that one out of every 10 women aged 15 to 19 becomes pregnant each year in America, and of these pregnancies, five out of every six (92%) are unintended. Given these statistics, it is understandable why so many children end up with adoptive or foster care parents, and therefore, become more attached to them than their biological parents. 

'Tell her the truth,' suggest netizens

Meanwhile, reacting to the Reddit post, u/pretendact8039 said, “Your daughter is an adult now and has the right to know who her biological parents are. You could leave it to her to find out via an ancestry test, or you can sit down with her and your older daughter and have an honest conversation.” Similarly, u/reviewscary9200 suggested, “It is definitely to sit your daughter down and tell her the truth before her biological mom tells her and spins the story.”

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