Hundreds of thousands of Twitter users were left both inspired and enraged by the aspiring cartographer's creation which laid bare her true feelings about state borders, sizes, and in some cases, existence.
Anna Calcaterra is a visionary. Some might say she's a little bit of a sadistic visionary, but a visionary nonetheless. The 16-year-old daughter of NBC Sports reporter Craig Calcaterra watched the internet burn last week after her re-imagined map of the United States was shared online by her father. Hundreds of thousands of Twitter users were left both inspired and enraged by the aspiring cartographer's (a person who draws or produces maps) creation which laid bare her true feelings about state borders, sizes, and in some cases, existence. Why all the hullabaloo? See for yourself:
Last night:— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 12, 2020
Me: Got any homework?
Me: Whatcha gonna do?
Anna: Have a map I’m working on.
Just found this on her desk. pic.twitter.com/9uulpX1Pve
Sure, at first glance, it could pass as a normal map of the United States with just a few noticeable errors. But wait. Look closer. Doesn't Texas seem a bit too long? So does Idaho. Meanwhile, Alaska is non-existent in Anna's United States, and so is Wyoming—which to be fair, is to be expected as the teen doesn't believe the state is real. Despite laying waste to the Western Hemisphere in her existentially upsetting map, Anna helpfully provided some helpful "Patch notes" to the left side of the page. Here are some of her notes: "New Hampshire and Vermont have been combined into New Hampsmont," "Florida lengthened, removing the coastline from several Southern states, leading to a second civil war and Florida's eventual secession," "Chile becomes Long Chile, removing the entire west coast and causing Chilean-American War."
I told her that I've been to Wyoming. Skied there. Hung out there for days. It's a real place. She responded by saying "uh huh."— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 12, 2020
My 16-year-old daughter just red pilled us all.— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 12, 2020
Update: I asked her if Ohio2 was a replica of the actual Ohio or if it’s just a cutout shape. pic.twitter.com/SE6yrfd2Q9— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 12, 2020
When asked what inspired her to throw the entire continent into chaos, the teen told CNN that she was inspired by people who'd previously attempted to label the US and "failed miserably." Although Anna doesn't specify any particular attempts, it's possible she was referencing this map that went viral earlier month which shows a German guy's attempt at naming all 50 states. Of course, we still have a lot of questions about what went through the teen's chaotic brain as she crafted this monstrosity. For example, why is there a second Ohio?
Most offensive part is an *additional* Ohio— Lil Dumplin (@SocksWearer) February 12, 2020
Ohio 2 is both comforting and very upsetting— Joe Yerdon (@JoeYerdon) February 12, 2020
I'm just amazed that Canada got bisected by Texas and just said, "Eh".— SleepDoc CulinaryNinja 🏳️🌈🧟♀️🆘 (@LBSamuelsson) February 13, 2020
Unfortunately, Anna doesn't believe there's a need to elaborate on the purpose of Ohio 2. "Does anyone really want to know more about Ohio 2? Nobody even wants to hear about Ohio 1," she said. As for Wyoming's unfortunate fate on her map, she explained, "Nothing against Wyoming, it just doesn't exist. Having it on the map is like putting Hogwarts or something on it." Anna did, however, provide a reasonable explanation for Alaska—or lack thereof—on her reimagined map. "A lot of people are asking why Alaska is not on it. Alaska didn’t get blown off the map, it’s just not part of the Americas anymore," she revealed.
every bolivian like, pic.twitter.com/0YcLoNrJj2— Natalia Navarro (@NataliaVNavarro) February 12, 2020
Chile rocking 6 time zones and two seasons like a boss. Chileans eating summer lunch and winter dinner AT THE SAME TIME.— Stephen Benzel (@Shankweather) February 12, 2020
Last night I went to bed in the United States. This morning I woke up in Long Chile. Not sure how to feel.— Maximum Bob (@maximumbobr) February 12, 2020
While there's plenty about Anna's map that could spark nationwide feuds, in her twisted world, the teen already has her sight set on an international war. The skinny strip of South America that used to be Chile is now "Long Chile" and extends all the way up the West Coast, which she claims is the result of the Chilean-American War. A World War III set off by Chile effectively stealing the Pacific Ocean. Why? She wouldn't say.
According to her proud father, this isn't the first time Anna has sent the internet into a frenzy. At the age of 12, she vandalized the Wikipedia page for Mallard Ducks with this gem:
All my new followers who are here for Anna content should probably be brought up to speed on her past work. Like the time, when she was 12 years-old, and I found out she had vandalized the Wikipedia page for Mallard Ducks. This is what she wrote. It was up for a while. pic.twitter.com/L74tmHWnLt— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 13, 2020
In fact, this young lady has been a force to reckon with (and watch out for, by the looks of it) pretty much all her life. Way back in 2009, when she was an itty-bitty 5-year-old, she left this intimidating note for her parents on her bedroom door:
Note the dots between words. It's because she had just started learning to use a computer and she liked to type in open Word documents. She assumed words needed dots between them.— Craig Calcaterra (@craigcalcaterra) February 13, 2020
But yes, it was still quite an unexpected threat. She still does not drink milk. Ever.
Attempting to explain the workings of his daughter's mind in a blog, Calcaterra wrote: The thought processes and the particular brand of creative flair this generation possesses is not like most of us have seen before. They are imbued with an aggressively off-center sensibility infused with an often shocking amount of absurdity and abstraction married to an equally shocking and profound strain of nihilism and cynicism. It's a nihilism and cynicism with no small amount of humor, but it's a humor one laughs at in self-defense. Laughter, at least on my part, that tries but often fails to hold back the guilt and sorrow I feel for why these young women and men possess all that nihilism and cynicism in the first place. Well, he's sure got his hands full with this one, doesn't he?