Single women share why they intentionally choose to avoid relationships

While dating and marriage may be the expected path for many, some women are redefining the norm, choosing to stay single—and thriving because of it. In the Ask Women subreddit, user CrypticWeirdo9105 asked, “Women who stay single purposefully, what's the reason behind it, and how's life been since you made the decision?" In response, women described the peace and happiness they find in this lifestyle, with many feeling they are their best selves when single.

One user shared, "I have never been as happy in a relationship as I have when I am single. I prefer the peace, not having to compromise on anything, the freedom. I can truly focus on my most favorite person ever: me." Another user agreed. "Same, I realized after my last relationship ended that I tend to feel my best and be happiest single, relationships just drain me and make me miserable," they replied. "This way I get to focus on my goals and myself and just do whatever I feel like."

Meanwhile, others reflected on how their previous relationships had ended poorly, causing them to lose their faith in relationships overall. "I do not ever want to build a life with someone and invest and be destroyed again," a Redditor explained. "I hate being alone, but it is better than [being] used and abused." Another person commented, "Being alone with someone is far worse than being alone and single. That gut-wrenching loneliness of wondering when my partner would love me again and be kind again and acknowledge my existence again… It was suffocating. I am sorry you went through what you did. I understand in my own way. I built up that life too and he destroyed it because it was fun. I do struggle [when I see] my friends who have healthy relationships. I wonder what I did so wrong to not deserve that too."

One Redditor noted how relationships can be draining. "I am currently in a relationship, but I miss my single life every day," they wrote. "I was my best self when I was single. I only had my problems to deal with. I was able to focus solely on my self improvement and everything about my life was better. My mental health was excellent, skin was clear, and I was at my ideal weight. Now, I just give so much of myself that there is nothing left for me." Evidently, more and more women are becoming aware of how relationships can actually be more taxing than living independently. This is especially true for women who date men, some recognized.

For instance, one user commented, "I want to say it is purposefully, it is just that I am well past the point in my life where I will take any sh*t from men." Finally, one Redditor acknowledged how spending time alone can actually be quite revolutionary. "I intentionally stayed single for about [four to five] years and it was a really peaceful and happy time, to be honest. Gave me all the space in the world to figure myself out... I tried new foods, went [to] new places, got into new hobbies, took some classes, and learned new things. I came out so refreshed, I was actually adamant about not wanting to date again ever to be frank." Due to their experiences with being single on purpose, they had a word of advice to share with others. "Make sure you thoroughly enjoy yourself and your space first," they recommended. "That way, you are never desperate for anything and are not acting based off [of] loneliness. If someone comes or goes, it does not matter because your space is full of self-love and appreciation for life anyway."

Editor's note: This article was originally published on April 19, 2022. It has since been updated.