Single mom in her 40s refuses to date men with kids and the internet agrees with her reasoning

Being a single mother is difficult and parenting becomes truly life-altering for someone who has to raise two kids alone. Someone who gives their time and energy to raising two children into responsible adults while giving up other pursuits in life for almost two decades, surely deserves to live it up when the kids can take care of themselves. Such is the tale of Redditor u/Professional_pace416, who is a single mom in her 40s and refuses to date single dads with minor children. She revealed the reason behind this in a Reddit post and asked people if she had made the right decision.

The woman started off by revealing, "When I was 22, I had two kids under the age of 2 with my ex-fiancee. I came home from work one day after picking up the kids from daycare to find my ex had left." Her partner left with his clothes, the emergency money, and even all the electronics in their apartment. The mom tried to call everyone they knew to find him but there was no sign of the man. "All I got from his parents was he was okay and he would contact me when he was ready," she added. After six months, the man's sister admitted that he had been cheating on her for years.

"His affair partner had graduated from college, got a job offer across the country, and he had moved with her. My oldest was 1.5 years old, my youngest was about three months old, and I was a single mom by the ripe old age of 22," the woman pointed out. The family had never heard from him ever since. "Honestly, the relationship was s*** and it wasn't a huge adjustment to being a single mom. I finally realized he was truly gone and tried to date again," she added. The mom set some ground rules for dating. "They wouldn't meet my kids until we had dated for at least six months and were seriously talking about a future. I would only go on a date after the babysitter and I put the kids to bed at 7:30 and had to be at home by 11 to relieve the sitter."

"I couldn't just leave to go do anything spontaneous. And I certainly wasn't going to spend the night anywhere. As you can imagine, this didn't go well," the woman mentioned. The dating scene wasn't kind to her and she faced three main setbacks; complaints about not putting enough effort into the relationship, men not ready to become dads, or to look after another man's kids. "I thought this was fair enough. Rarely did I go on a date with a man more than a couple of times." By 25 the woman had given up on dating and did everything with her kids including going to the movies and getting her hair done. "We called ourselves the Three Musketeers," the mom noted, adding that she became completely independent when it came to repairs and help around the house.

"My kids grew into wonderful people. They're adults now and have 'adult jobs.' They're both in long-term relationships," the woman continued. "About six months ago, my kids had a 'come to Jesus' talk with me. They were worried I spent too much time alone and wanted me to start dating again." The woman agreed but she doesn't want to parent another person's children after spending years raising her own. "The men who have contacted me have children anywhere in ages 4 to 14. I explained that I was not interested in dating someone with minor children. They get angry at me since I'm a single mom and I should know how hard it is." She admitted, "I know how hard it is. And I'll be damned if I do it again."

"They get mad when I state basically the same things I heard as a single mom in my 20s. They wouldn't have time for a relationship. I don't want to go back to a parental relationship. And I don't want to parent another woman's children," the mom shared. She got multiple arguments in return. A man went as far as to say, "I must hate dads since my kids' dad left me." The woman reasoned, "I asked him if when he was in his early 20s would he date a single mom? He said no but this is different. I said, 'Just because you were 24 and I am now 44, nothing is different.'" She remarked, "He called me a hypocritical b*tch. I blocked him but it bothered me enough I'm awake late on a Saturday night thinking maybe I'm asking too much."

She wondered if she should get a dog and wait for another ten years but people expressed support for her in the comments. u/Greenfrog2023 wrote, "Date or don't date whoever you want. You don't owe anyone an explanation." u/BZP625 commented, "'Good luck with your search, and have a nice day!' (and block)." u/GraceOfTheNorth remarked, "Just one more confirmation that most men feel entitled to women's unpaid labor. I said it and I stand by it."